What Fictional Character Would You Invite For Dinner

 

Call me crazy, but Hannibal Lecter.  On the strict prior agreement that I would not be on the menu!

Thomas Harris’ character Hannibal Lecter is wonderfully complex and frankly, is someone who has always fascinated me.   He is a psychopath, undoubtedly.  Dangerous, absolutely.  But he is also one of the most interesting characters I have ever read.

Are psychopaths born or are they made from experiences that they had?  I think that the honest answer is probably both.  In Hannibal’s case, he was forced to watch his sister’s murder and then eat some of her body.  You could say that Hannibal’s lack of empathy stems from this very point.  He saw the worst thing in the world and never had feeling again. 

But there is more to Hannibal that the things he went through as a child.  He is extremely intelligent.  He is charming and can easily convince people to do his will.  He is fully aware of what he is and he enjoys it.  He luxuriates in who and what he is. 

He accepts into his world only what he wants, what gives him pleasure, even if that is human flesh.  He sees all other humans as either something to play with, or as food.  They are beneath him. 

But he has standards in who he chooses to eat.  Clarice interested him and he decides that the world is better with her in it.  He is more than likely in love with her, but that is buried deep.  He is capable of love but does not allow himself to feel it.  I think that may be the only safety net that he has.  Instead, he believes that he keeps her alive because she is a toy that he chooses to pick up and play with now and again.

What I find interesting is that Hannibal is not just a cannibal.  He also murders for pleasure.  He killed Benjamin Raspail because his playing displeased him.  But he had his fun by serving his organs to the Board of Philharmonic Orchestra.  Almost like serving up a gift to them, not only enhancing (as he would say) their meal but also by improving their orchestra.

Hannibal enjoys killing.  I have to wonder that if he had not given into these urges, the flamboyant killings, whether he would ever have been caught.   It is his need for admiration and showing off that gave him away in the end. 

He has to be noticed.  He expects to be noticed.  For all his lack of empathy, he has a need to be seen.  You will see me.  Look at me and wonder.   Almost childlike in that regard.

You can see why people flocked towards him.  Are intrigued by him.   Like I am myself.  He was created by both nature and nurture.  We will never know if he would have became what he did if his sister had not been killed in such a way.  But his tendencies for cruelty, sadism and his enjoyment of that, had to in some way been born with him.

I suspect that if you asked Hannibal Lecter whether he regretted his crimes, he would say no.  Because to him, he is above the law.  I believe that Hannibal would think of himself as no less than a god.   A god who did not need to explain himself, nor would he.  A god who made his own rules.  Lived above and beyond the rules and laws that us mere mortals follow.

There would of course have to be rules.  Many people would have to know he was invited.  He would not be the one cooking.  But I think it would be a chance to meet someone who is utterly unique.  One can only hope that there would not be many Hannibal Lecters in the world.  But it sure would be interesting to meet him.  With I knowing who he truly is and he knowing that I knew.  I think he would enjoy it.  A chance to once again, show off.

Who would you invite for dinner?  You don’t have to go to a weird angle as I did!

When Familiarity Breeds Complacency

 They say familiarity breeds contempt.  I say that it breeds complacency.

We are in an age now where job security is not a sure thing.  Where people change jobs every two years, chasing a higher wage, different benefits.  But what about those who stay in the same job for years?

You may be in a relationship for a decade or two, but are you happy?  Or is it just what you know and it is easier?  Are you making yourself unhappy because you are too scared of being alone?

In relation to behaviour, you may have grown up a certain way and you act in accordance with that, but does that not mean that you can change?  Questioning the way you have always acted can be intimidating.   It is has worked for you so far, why change?  But what if the change will make your life better?  Make you better.

The new can be exciting but also terrifying.  It is an unknown quantity threatening to enter into your space.  A space that you know well.  That is safe.  It is what you know.

I have experience with some of these.

I was with my previous employer for twenty-five years.  I had grown up there; it was safe and familiar.  I had a fantastic boss.  But.  The work had changed and was hurting my soul.  The business had moved to somewhere inconvenient.  The money was not what I wanted and was not likely to change.  My partner questioned frequently why I stayed.  My answer was always; it is home.  But the truth was, it wasn't anymore.

Then one day I was approached by someone from my current employer, suggesting a move.  Something in the stars that day made me think.  Made me question what I really wanted to do and what I wanted to achieve. 

My job then was a safe cocoon, but was I still happy?  I decided to make the leap of faith, knowing it was right and that I could do this.  I was ready.  Although there were many tears (from me) when I left, it was absolutely the right choice.  I do not regret it for a second and have been so happy in my new employ.

The second experience is how I act.  How you act and react is often formed early on.  Behaviours are learned that are not always healthy.  Now that I have reached a time in my life where everything is good, those behaviours need to change.

I apologise too often.  I put myself down too often.  I wait to see someone’s reaction before I allow myself my own.  I am scared of rejection and can be like a puppy begging for affection.  All of these things are learned behaviour, but I know are not what I was meant to be.  Who I was meant to be.

Hard wired reactions are hard to change.  But the answer is slowly.  Step by step.   Day by day.

I pause a lot now before I speak.  Before I rush out an unneeded apology.  Before I put myself down.  I have noticed since doing this that I even used to put myself down first, before mentioning something good that had happened to me or something I had achieved.

A prime example of this was this weekend.  I was at a spa with friends and I was talking about a post that I had written with my friend, while we were getting a facial.  She said that I was a writer and I was good at it.  I immediately tried to diminish.   Saying no, I am just a blogger.  I write part time.  Just bits and pieces.  It was an immediate reaction that I could not take back.

But I am a writer.  Yes, I do write part time, but it is my passion, my love.   It is my vehicle for words that may not come out of my mouth, but are in my head.  My words flow freely through my fingers when I write.  It is a natural.  It is freeing.  It is mine. 

If someone likes my writing, then that is wonderful.  But it is not why I write.  I write because I want to.  Because I need to.   It is in me.

Now, when someone asks me what I think, I try not to predict their reaction before I answer.  I also try not to give them the answer or reaction that I think will please them the most.  I am more honest. 

These are all things that I am still learning, still trying to do.  It is hard to rewire learned behaviour, but it is possible.

I don’t know about you, but I have been at so many stages in my life, and I am a very different person to the girl I once was.   Every step, every change, you do not notice while it is happening; but then you look at yourself one day and you are not the same person.

Courage.  Courage is key.  It is about giving yourself a chance.  A chance for more, a chance to be a better version of yourself, a chance to expand your life.  A chance to be happier.

I welcome new things into my life now.  Changing the immediate no, to a maybe, to a yes, to a hell yes.  When you open yourself up to new things, the possibilities and rewards are endless.

Budgeting Tips for 2026

 I have talked about money saving tips before on this blog here.

Today I wanted to talk about the basic budgeting techniques that I carry out every day in order to make the most of my money and make it work for me.  I have one budget for my personal money and another for the joint account for my partner and myself.

I have a monthly budget for every month for the next year.  Sounds excessive?  Probably, but it works for me.

The biggest things to factor in are the things that you don’t think about at first glance.  For example, some months of the year have five weeks in them.  There are four this year.  So what does that mean?  An extra weekly food shop at a minimum.  A five week month will typically require an extra £150 to my budget when you look at all the extras.

What I do to counter this is at the beginning of the year I look at the number of months with the extra week and work out the extra money needed.  So this year, an extra £600.00 was needed.  This equates to £50.00 per month.  Every month as part of the budget, I transfer £50.00 to our savings account, using when needed on the “extra months”.

Another thing to look at are subscriptions services like Amazon.  We have regular subscriptions set up for things like coffee, pet food etc which are all set to different frequencies.  Some can be every six weeks, every three months, etc.  So at the start of the year I check the dates (Amazon helpfully projects the dates for you) and I incorporate these figures into the appropriate month.

When it comes to food, make sure that you have the store clubcard.  With mine, I pay an £8.00 per month subscription, but this saves me 10% of two of my shopping bills.  On average, after taking the subscription payment into account, I usually save at least £20.00.  Over the year, that is a saving of £240.00.   Every little helps!

Other things to think about are things like home and car insurance.   It is usually cheaper to pay annually for these things, so I set aside an amount every month (based on the previous year’s figure with an increase of 10%) to go into a specific savings account to pay for them when the time arises.  This accrues interest and means that when the time comes, the money is ready and waiting to be paid.

I tend to use a cashback site when arranging the yearly insurance too, which can gain you around £100 if you shop around.  I use the cashback sites for many things, but the big earners are home insurance, car insurance and pet insurance.

I also incorporate a “slush” section into my monthly budget.  There are the inevitable things in the month that come up that you need (or want) to buy and having some extra money available helps.  I account an amount of money every month and anything we don’t spend is moved into a savings account.

Forward planning for the year ahead means that I am never surprised by the extra food shop in the month, or when the bulk orders from Amazon come out of the account.  It is there, ready.

This type of planning absolutely takes time and I am much more vigilant than I need to be.  I update the budget when bills come out, food is bought etc every few days so I always know where we are at any given point.

Here is an example of the accounts I use for our joint account in order to keep everything running perfectly.

 Current Account                      All bills are paid from here

Insurance Savings                    Money is transferred here by standing order each month

Regular Savings                       Any money left over from the “slush” money goes in here together with     the monthly “five week payment”.

 These are just a few of the ways that planning out your budget for a year can save you money.  I would estimate that doing everything the way that I do saves/earns me £400-500 a year.

What top tips do you have for your budget?