Just a little musing on the blog today and a question: Has anyone experienced a real change in their personality, mental health or general mental wellbeing since they stopping smoking cigarettes?
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| Image by roegger from Pixabay |
First and foremost, let me say that I am not one of those irritating ex smokers who suddenly think that cigarettes are the plague of the earth and shout loudly and regularly from the rooftops of how disgusting smoking is.
I MISS IT. I miss it so much. I miss the after dinner cigarette, I miss the pleasurable addition of smoking when having a glass of wine or a cocktail; I miss the temporary calmness they would give me if I was having a bad day. I miss them.
As a smoker you are well used to all the people that would wax lyrical about how bad it was for your health and how much money it must be costing you etc. You would feel like wanted to stab them in the eye? I still feel like that. Sanctimonious ex smokers can take a hike.
Anyway. Back to topic. Physical health and money benefits aside, can't say I have really noticed either yet, I have to say that my mental health and wellbeing has definately changed.
For as long as I can remember, probably my whole adult life, I have had a numbing or muting of emotions. General the positive emotions. Sadness, pain and anxiety I never had a problem with. How typical.
Feelings of anticipation, excitement, joy, happiness, feelings of just being damn normal, were just not really there. I said the words and played out the emotions for people, but I never felt them. I knew what they felt like because I used to experience them, but hadn't in many many years.
Not feeling, felt normal. All the bright colours of emotions just did not live within me, except the black that occasionally would overtake me. Everything was just muted.
The only reason that I knew that I was not "normal", if anyone ever really is, is that on the occasional day, I felt everything. It felt wonderful. I would just wake up one day and experience a full day of normal feelings. The world became exciting and full of wonderment. Sadly, the next day, I went back to normal, my normal.
Not to tempt fate here (please fate, I'll be good I promise), but after around four weeks of not smoking, all of these feelings have come back. I feel genuine happiness. I feel excited when plans are made. I feel anticipation when something good and new is about to happen. I feel. I feel everything.
Is this an effect of stopping smoking? It would a be a very large coincidence if it was not related.
My question I guess is very specific as I do not know anyone else who lived with the muting of emotions that I did. I am sure that there is a name for it but I do not know what it is.
Whatever the reason, the world is full of colour again. I look forward to each day, whatever it may hold and there is always now, some happiness to be found. Even in the smallest corner.
I MISS IT. I miss it so much. I miss the after dinner cigarette, I miss the pleasurable addition of smoking when having a glass of wine or a cocktail; I miss the temporary calmness they would give me if I was having a bad day. I miss them.
As a smoker you are well used to all the people that would wax lyrical about how bad it was for your health and how much money it must be costing you etc. You would feel like wanted to stab them in the eye? I still feel like that. Sanctimonious ex smokers can take a hike.
Anyway. Back to topic. Physical health and money benefits aside, can't say I have really noticed either yet, I have to say that my mental health and wellbeing has definately changed.
For as long as I can remember, probably my whole adult life, I have had a numbing or muting of emotions. General the positive emotions. Sadness, pain and anxiety I never had a problem with. How typical.
Feelings of anticipation, excitement, joy, happiness, feelings of just being damn normal, were just not really there. I said the words and played out the emotions for people, but I never felt them. I knew what they felt like because I used to experience them, but hadn't in many many years.
Not feeling, felt normal. All the bright colours of emotions just did not live within me, except the black that occasionally would overtake me. Everything was just muted.
Image by Alexandra Haynak from Pixabay
The only reason that I knew that I was not "normal", if anyone ever really is, is that on the occasional day, I felt everything. It felt wonderful. I would just wake up one day and experience a full day of normal feelings. The world became exciting and full of wonderment. Sadly, the next day, I went back to normal, my normal.
Not to tempt fate here (please fate, I'll be good I promise), but after around four weeks of not smoking, all of these feelings have come back. I feel genuine happiness. I feel excited when plans are made. I feel anticipation when something good and new is about to happen. I feel. I feel everything.
Is this an effect of stopping smoking? It would a be a very large coincidence if it was not related.
My question I guess is very specific as I do not know anyone else who lived with the muting of emotions that I did. I am sure that there is a name for it but I do not know what it is.
Whatever the reason, the world is full of colour again. I look forward to each day, whatever it may hold and there is always now, some happiness to be found. Even in the smallest corner.
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