A figure
that I think that we are all aware of, or should be, is that 2 women are killed
by their current or ex partner every week in the UK.
Whenever I
see a story about domestic violence or a woman being murdered by her partner in
the news, one thing that I always see people saying is “Why didn't she leave
him if he was violent?” yet facts show that the most dangerous time for a woman
suffering domestic violence in when she is in the process of, or has already
left her partner.
Even in
2019, domestic violence is still something that is swept under the carpet. Hidden.
Not talked about. Something that
happens to other people but could never happen to you. You are too strong, too independent, more educated,
more worldly. You would not let this
happen. Until it does.
Statistically, 1 in 4 women will
experience domestic violence in their lifetime. A lot of things happen behind
closed doors and apparent happy facades.
On average,
it takes someone suffering from domestic violence 7 attempts to leave. This is
a time when support from others is needed most. From both a support and
practice side, but also, safety. Sadly, due to Government cuts, help from
charities and women's refuges is not always possible; at a time where the need for them
is paramount.
Funding for
refuges in the UK has been dropping steadily for the past 9 years, to the tune
of over 7 million pounds. Two thirds of Local Authorities have implemented
major spending cuts, with refuges all over the country being forced to close
due a lack of funds.
One of the Councils in my local area for
example has cut funding to its refuges by a staggering £620,000.
Help for victims of domestic violence is in nothing short of crisis. 1.3 million women reported experiences of domestic violence in 2018 (source) which is a 100,000 increase from year before. Domestic violence crimes are also up a further 27%.
Due to the lack of funding available and
the shortage of refuges, woman are constantly being turned away, often resulting in forcing them back to their abusers as they have nowhere else to
go.
How do we
help victims of domestic violence when the Government increasingly does not
care?
Well if you are Jean Hatchet (pseudonym), you step
up and find a positive way to help.
Two years ago Jean came up with the idea
of raising money for women’s refuges (in particular Wearside
Women in Need) by going on 10
mile plus bike rides, with each ride being completed to honour a woman that had died at the
hands of her partner or male family member.
To date, she has raised nearly £19,000.00.
Hopefully
after reading my post today, you will consider donating to her Go Fund Me campaign
too.
Jean has
kindly allowed me to send over some interview questions to her, which I share
below:
You implemented the idea of bike rides two years
ago this April in order to raise women for women's refuges; riding at least 10
miles each time for a woman who had been murdered by her partner or male family
member. How many women have you now ridden for to date?
I’ve ridden
for 232 women now and over 5500 miles. Some of the women I rode for were at the
request of their friends or family. I usually ride a lot further than 10 miles.
I always ride up a hill and take time on the way up as it begins to hurt to
remember the pain and suffering of each woman. I always smash down
on the pedals a bit harder as I think of the man who killed them.
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| Image from Pixabay |
For many women (and who can blame them),
escaping domestic violence is feat enough. For others, it gives them a
strength that they never knew that they had. You have escaped domestic
violence, experienced a stalker and are battling cancer; where do you get your
continued strength to be that loud and strong voice for women every day?
What drives you more than anything to do this?
I was lost
within my marriage. I dreamed of ways I could live free of abuse. I used to
escape into my own head. Sometimes when he was just calling me vile names as a
way to pass the time and telling me how stupid I was I would dig my nails into
my arm to help focus away from his words as they battered into me.
If I can
help another woman to escape that feeling of dying within your own life. I will
do it. An abusive man is worse than cancer.
Domestic violence is not just physical. It also encompasses emotional and financial abuse. I once read that one
of the most important things for a woman to have when moving in with a
significant other is a secret escape fund. A "just in case this all goes
wrong" fund. It is something that I have
implemented.
Is there any similar "future proofing"
advice that you would you give women going into relationships today?
Plan. Plan.
Plan. According to the UK femicide census a third of women are killed by ex
partners after separation. A third of them are killed in the first month after
leaving. Three quarters are killed within the first year. Leaving a man is the
most dangerous thing you will probably do in your life.
Be ready to
leave at a moment’s notice. Know where your passport and bank card are if you
have them and make them easy to access and grab. Make sure you don’t tell him.
Don’t confront him. Get out quickly and go to a refuge or the police or a safe
place with a friend he doesn’t know. Stay alert. He’s looking for revenge and
he’s looking for you.
Really – the
advice I would give to women in abusive relationships is – don’t believe he
loves you. Don’t believe he will change. He never loved you. He can’t change.
He has shown you who he is. Believe him.
For women
going into a relationship with a man look for the signs. Check out his
background in any way available. How does he speak of his last partner? If he
hates her be suspicious. If he doesn’t have access to his children? Be
suspicious. Look for him criticising you for your appearance. Look for him
isolating you from friends. Read about coercive abuse. Check if he does any of these
things. Read everything you can. Be alert for the signs. Tell your friends
EVERYTHING that worries you and listen to any concerns they have early.
Women
entering relationships with men do a very risky thing given the statistics that
one in four women will be abused between 16 and 64. Set a high bar. The good
men won’t be too angry to meet it. If it happens that he is abusive and you
didn’t spot it – you haven’t failed. He has.
Gender self identification has been the hot
topic of the moment with the proposed change to the GRA and most recently,
sports women getting involved and commenting on the issue; making the topic
more "mainstream".
Many women, myself included, feel it is very
important that women are able to have their own safe spaces, especially in
refuges where safety is paramount and places are minimal. Can you
ever see a compromise to this in the future?
There can be
no compromise on this. Women will die if there is.
I don’t even
see this as an area of debate. Women in recovery who are trying to stay alive
do not have to consider the needs of trans women or anyone else at that time.
Those women have endured enough at the hands of men and those women have a
right to recover among women. Women need those protecting them in refuge space
to keep their space free of men.
The law
provides for this within the Equality Act 2010 and no woman should be afraid or
ashamed of using the law provided to protect her.
In addition to your ongoing campaign to raise
money for Wearside Women in Need, you also started a successful Go Fund Me for
the complainant in relation to the Ched Evans case.
The circumstances of the case were unusual in
that the conviction was appealed after the sentence served. What made you
decide to start the campaign to raise money, knowing the abuse that you would
receive from the angry men and parts of the internet? Does the success of the
campaign outweigh the hate and negative publicity that it brought?
When Ched
Evans was acquitted on appeal, women throughout Britain felt the pain of the
woman who had just endured her ordeal over and over again in a court room.
Women felt around the edges of their own pain from their past sexual abuse and
it was still raw. Women were hurting and angry and vulnerable and I could feel
that. It made me angry.
Section 41
makes me angry. It makes me furious that there has still been no amendment to
the law that allowed her past sexual history to be used against her.
I did what I
could do. I asked women to help another woman. We do it all the time. We call
it “rallying round” and I oh how we rallied! We showed that young woman exactly
what we thought of her and exactly how we cared for her and it was one of the
things I am most proud of in my life. I loved the women who poured money in to
that fund.
I raised
£27,000.00 which was split between the complainant and Rape Crisis England and
Wales. When I handed it over I felt we
had really achieved something. It wasn’t justice we handed her. It was love.
I know for
my part, when I saw Jean’s campaign and donated at the time, it really meant
something to me too. It was a virtual
hug and “we got you” to the complainant and an acknowledgement to all other
women out there that have pain of their own.
I really
appreciate Jean taking the time to ask my questions and I hope that it will
encourage you to donate to her Go Fund Me campaign
too.