Dear Daily Mail

Dear Daily Mail,

I just want to say a massive (no pun intended) THANK YOU to you and all of your lovely writers; especially ones like the delightful Linda Kelsey who has written a wonderfully enlightening article today.  

I at a size 24 have been under the dangerously misconceived notion that it is a good thing for a woman to be confident and happy in whom she is.  I thought that it was perfectly acceptable when I went out in public, by myself and with friends to hold my head high and enjoy myself.

What a fool I was!

You have generously provided the public with many insightful articles on the subject of fat women and you should be applauded.  A small side issue by the way, I’m sure it is just a simple oversight, but I couldn’t find any fat men articles?  It’s probably my fault, I am far too lazy (as you well know a fat girl is!) to bother flicking through too many articles, that is far too exhausting!

So I writing to you today not only to thank you but to tell you my plan of action as maybe you might find it helpful to share for others who have not yet seen the light.

1. Throw away all colourful clothing.  Black clothing not only makes you look slimmer which you losing all of the weight, it will help to disguise you and blend in so as other people don’t have such an awful sight to look at. 
2. Buy a sign.  A handmade one will do.  It must be large enough however for people to read from at least ten feet away and must read “I am sorry that you have to look at me.  I am losing weight as quickly I can.  I will hide myself as best as possible in the meantime”. 
3. Throw away any forms of feeling confident.  You will be able to use that confidence again when you are thin and acceptable in the eyes of the general public.
    

I know that this is only a starter guide, but all of my free time at the moment apart from dieting of course is searching for a deep dark dank hole to live in so as I don’t scare people.

 

Kind regards, 

V Frankland


P.S.  Fuck you, with a side order of fuck you and shot of fuck you to have along with it. 
Oh, here is a picture of me.  Happy, confident and fat. 
Toodles.