The Evolution of You

Looking back over the course of your life, have you ever wanted to meet your past younger self?  

I don't know about you, but I have been very different people over the course of my life so far.  Whilst my core being has stayed the same in terms of my values, the person that I am has undergone so many changes of the years that I am not sure if I would recognise myself if I was to meet me at a different age.

I think of it as being the same person, but simply a different shade or colour.  We are like bell peppers really (bare with me on this).  It wasn't until recently that I learned that yellow, orange, green and red peppers are not different variety of peppers, but merely at a different stage of ripening.  That feels a lot like me.

Everyone has challenges in their life and everyone has a journey that they go on, no matter how large or small.  My journey has been one of finding confidence, finding self esteem, finding body confidence, finding my voice.  I tried to put descriptive labels on some of my different stages.  I share (some) here:

Age 15  -  I am the fat girl in school.  I want to fit in.  There is still wonderment and hope in the world.  I have hope for my future.  I want to be thin so people will like me.

Age 21 - I am so lost.   I am scared. 

Age 30 - There are people on the internet that think like me, that look like me, that say what they think..........  I'm not good enough.

Age 33 - I am writing.  I am wearing colour for the first time.  A LOT of colour.  I am still terrified of rejection.  I still don't feel good enough.

Today (aged 39.99 years) I am never scared to say what I think.  I probably say too much.  My wardrobe of beautiful, colourful dresses is overflowing.  I have confidence in both myself and my courage of conviction.  I have a fella who makes me feel sexy.  I have amazing friends.  I have self worth.

I am happier today than I have ever been in my life.  This happiness is as a result of the journey of life that I have been on.  The challenges that I have set myself.  The heartbreak and the loves.  The highs, the lows.   The girl who decided to become a woman and make her life as she wanted it to be.

I am proud of just how far that I have come in my life and you know what?  I would love to meet 21 year old me.  To give her advice, to give her a boost.  To tell her that she is going to be ok.  

To tell her that she will never suit red hair, no matter how many times she tries over the years to make it work (written now with another shade of red).

What challenges in your life have changed you?

If you are looking for other blogs to read, you can't go far wrong with reading Let Them Be Small

Owning Your Body Image

Body image.  The way that we see ourselves is ruled by both the distorted vision of what we think we look like in our head and also by what society has told us that we should look like.  

Ask any woman what she likes about her face or body and I guarantee that in the majority, you will be waiting longer for an answer than if you had asked what she disliked.   The thing is though; your imperfections and the differences between your face and body to the people around you are what make you special.  It just takes a long time to figure that out and some of us never do.

I have always struggled with the way I look.  I could give you a catalogue of things that I don’t like about myself: wonky eyebrows, too fat; waist too short; breasts too big etc etc.  I always presumed that because of these things that I was automatically unattractive to the opposite sex and have worked on that presumption for as long as I can remember.

Every person on the planet looks different to the rest which is a good thing and is something to be celebrated.  Each of us has our own distinctive look, just as each of us have our own personal preference for what we find attractive in others.

The underlying truth of it all is that confidence is the most attractive thing you can have.  Whether you are tall, short, fat, thin, blonde or brunette; if you have confidence, you are already there.

One thing that I have been thinking about recently though are the judgements that we place on people who have confidence, but want to change or tweak certain things. Somehow, if you say that you own the way that you look, you are beholden (by some) to maintain that and never change. But isn't that still pandering to the majority and not being true to yourself?

For example, I like my eyebrows as they are when filled in a little, but I have also been thinking about microblading. I mentioned this to someone and I received a ten minute lecture about how people who say that they are confident in themselves but then undergo a procedure are frauds. They are my eyebrows dude, chill.

Say you knew someone who had really bad acne, could you really judge them for considering laser acne scar treatments? I know someone who suffers really badly from acne scarring. She is beautiful, inside and out. She is confident and outgoing, but is also thinking of having laser treatment as she hates wearing a lot of foundation every day. She tells me it would add to her confidence. Does this change the way that I think about her? Of course not.

Confidence is an attitude. A state of mind. Something that you can work towards and choose. You are in charge of your body, your confidence and your self worth. I own the way that I look, whether I choose to tweak it, change it or stay exactly the same.

If you let others dictate when you are allowed to feel confident, you are not quite there yet. But you will be.

*Collaborative post

Getting The Confidence To Enjoy Being On Your Own

I have the week off from work this week.  My mum is away on holiday and my little puppa is in the kennels.  I was fretting that he would not take to it, but having rung the kennels up this morning; I hear that he is ruling the roost and all the staff have fallen in love with him.  No surprises there.

I have been looking forward to this week off for so long now.  I have been desperate to have some time on my own and relax.  I wanted a week to clear my head with no distractions, no commitments and time to clear my head.

The only thing that I booked this week was a day at the local spa for the thermal experience.  I am a member and usually go 4-5 times a year.  Usually with the girls, but sometimes, like this week, alone.

Having the confidence to do things on your own can be, and is, intimidating.  It takes confidence and the ability to not look around and wonder what people are thinking about you and concentrate on enjoying yourself.

As I have said in a previous post, next year, I would really like to go on holiday on my own or even travel a little.  This means building up my confidence to do things on my own and not worry about others.

I have been to the spa a couple of times on my own and each time, I felt self conscious and spent more time wondering if people were looking at me, judging me for being on my own and feeling sorry for me than I spent actually enjoying myself.

When you are fat you are more visible.  When you have large breasts that no swimsuit will properly cover so you end up with a massive cleavage you are visible.  When you are alone and all of these things, you are more visible.

Yesterday though, I decided that it would be different.  I would think about nobody other than myself.  I wanted to lose myself in my own thoughts and enjoy myself.  That is exactly what I did and it was wonderful.

I cleared my pores (and my head!) in the salt steam room.  I went in the outdoor jacuzzi and let the bubbles and the sunshine wash over me.  I swam in the swimming pool.  I floated in the relaxation pool with stars on the ceiling and soft music playing.

Half way through my day I decided that a cocktail was in order.  On my way to the terrace bar I bumped into an old work colleague.  This would have been my worst nightmare before.  Bumping into someone gorgeous and confident, surrounded by her friends and me, alone.

I didn't feel embarrassed for being on my own.  She asked if I was on my own and I was not ashamed to say yes.  I said that I was enjoying some me time and she replied, saying that she wished that she was confident enough to that too.  It was a genuine statement and it made me remember that we all struggle with confidence sometimes.

I enjoyed my cocktail in the sunshine on a comfortable settee and headed back to the relaxation room.  There are loungers surrounding the relaxation pool that I always see people reading on or having a snooze.  I always wanted to do the same on my own, but before, I would have worried too much to do it on my own.  This time, I had a 45 minute nap and then headed back out to the swimming pool, before getting ready for home.

I left feeling more confident, happier and clearer in my head than I had done in a long time.  I am getting there with enjoying myself on my own.  We should all be able to enjoy ourselves alone without thinking about others.  I think I have taken a giant leap in that direction.

How do you feel doing things on your own?

Your Body Image

I have been thinking about body image a lot lately and what I have begun to realise is that how people deal with their body image is sectioned off into three groups: “The Happy”, “The Openly Insecure” and the “In The Closet Insecure”.

“The Happy” are those that have a good self image of themselves and do not let others thoughts or opinions affect that.  You are either born this like or you have worked hard in order to attain and maintain this self image.  Either way, it is the best frame of mind to be in.

“The Openly Insecure” are those that let others opinions affect how they feel about their own body image.  As a side effect to this, by accepting other’s insults and allowing that to factor into the way they think about themselves, they can also develop a “not good enough” complex. 

I spent about twenty five years in the not good enough complex so I know how this feels.  It is a feeling that creeps back into your life sometimes and so I always keep an eye out for it and mentally whack myself around the head when I feel like that.

The “In The Closet Insecure” are those that use their own insecurities about their own body image as a weapon against others whom they perceive look “worse” than they do.  This can come out in the pure insult form, which is essentially boils down to “I’ll hurt you before you hurt me” or alternatively comes out in the form of anger. 

It was this anger that confused me for a good while until I realised that that it wasn’t anger at all.  It was jealousy. 

The “In The Closet Insecure” person sees someone who may be larger than they are, or someone who they think is less attractive and if this person looks confident and happy in their own skin then their anger is immediately provoked. 

How do they have the audacity to feel better about themselves than I do?  I look better than them; why do they look happier than I do?  Their base line of thinking is that they cannot stand someone who is secure in their own self image when they perceive them to be “worth less” in their eyes than they are.  Confused by what they see, they hurl anger and abuse; trying to bring the other person down to the same state of misery as their own; not that will ever admit that.

When it comes down to it, bad body image is learned behaviour. 

No baby is born thinking that it is not good enough to be around others.  No child thinks that she/he is ugly until someone else tells them they are.  Until they socially interact with others, nobody ever links their weight to how they should be treated as a person.

I still remember when I was a little girl, watching my mum get ready to go with my dad on a Saturday.  As I watched her, I didn’t judge her against anyone else or think about how society thought that she ought to look.  She was just my mother and I thought (and still do) she looked beautiful.

I think that one of the most important things that you can teach a child when growing up is that they need to find their own sense of self.  To rely on what they think about themselves rather than letting others define who they are and what they should look like.

The question that we need to constantly ask ourselves is not “What do others think of me” but “What do I think of me”.  Because the answer to that question is all that really matters.

Confidence is Key

This weekend I went to the Curve Fashion Festival.  I will be talking about that in a later post, but first, I wanted to talk about the plus size community as a whole and what you receive from it.

You start out, much like I did, by discovering plus size fashion blogs and positivity.  Slowly, your wardrobe changes, your confidence to wear what you want, not what you think you should wear starts to progress and take shape.

Along with finding confidence in myself and what I wore, along the way I picked up something else, courage.

The courage not to cross a road when you encounter a group of people, just in case they are mean to you.  The courage to go out and do something on your own, without having to have someone with you or needing to speak to someone every step of the way.

Before I found the plus size community, other than in my home town, I never went anywhere on my own.  I wouldn't say that I was afraid, more that I just knew that I could not do it.  I did not have the courage to take those journeys without someone being there.

I remember a couple of years ago being asked to go to an event in London.  It was the launch of new plus size collection in Soho and I really, really wanted to go.  But travelling to London?  Finding my way around on my own?  Staying over?  My courage disappeared.

So what did I do?  I looked at all the plus size bloggers, all those who inspired me in their confidence, their style, the way that they were not afraid to go out into the world and live it.  I took the inspiration they gave me and went to London.  I came back a different person.  They helped to create a new me.  A more courageous me.  Someone who was not afraid to go out there and LIVE.

Which brings me back to the Curve Fashion Festival.  After spending many hours in the company of amazing women, especially the wonderful Kate Willshaw and the fabulous Stephanie Cummings (thank you again for the phone battery charge!) I was left with a couple of hours in Liverpool.  What to do?

The old me would have gotten a taxi to the train station and stayed there for two hours.  The new me?  She went out and saw a bit of Liverpool.  In a bright yellow dress, enough red lipstick to last me a decade and a smile on my face; I headed out.

A stroll along the Albert Docks, The Tate, a pirate ship (sadly my damn picture didn't come out) and the Echo Wheel of Liverpool.  A wonderful day.

Lashes from Doll Beauty 

A Midnight Crisis of Confidence

You will have to forgive me.  This is a 12am post.  So not thought out, not rewritten or checked for confused sentences.  Just me.  Talking.  Panicking a little.

I have been very lazy of late when it comes to talking about body confidence on this blog.  That is something I am not happy about, because it is SO important to me.

As a fat woman, I have had a great year in terms of body confidence.  In truth, there has been so much going on in my life that it hasn't crossed my mind that much. Proof of just how far I have come.

Sure, I have momentary relapses, curled into myself when I have received derogatory comments, noticed the stares that were not complementary; but they have paled into insignificance with what has been going on with my life.  Mostly downs to be honest, for the past couple of years, although now, I am starting to see the sunshine again.

But, my midnight crisis confidence, 

I am a little scared.  A lot unsure.

I recently signed up for a year long thermal spa experience.  8 times a year which does wonders for relaxation.  So far, it has been with family and friends.  The spa is fabulous and although mixed sexes, I have, in the most part, felt comfortable in myself and ok with walking around in my swimsuit around others.  A good thing.

A couple of weeks ago I decided that I needed some spa time.  Just me.  Floating around in the jucazzi, staring at the stars in the ceiling in the dark relaxation swimming pool.  Perfect.  I booked my solo appointment, for tomorrow; without much of a thought, except for excitement of having a lovely couple of hours chilling out.

But, suddenly, the day has come.  The thought of walking around, on my own, in a mixed thermal spa experience in my swimsuit, terrifies me.  Do I feel any less because of who I am and what I look like? No. Do I take a scared breath at the thought of others looking at me, with judgemental eyes (as is inevitable at a spa from both sexes); yes.  A lot.

My safety blanket of a friend being there is not there.  I did not realise until tonight just how much I relied on someone else being there.  Someone to talk to when you see a judgemental stare, a derogatory glance.  I will exposed.  Nowhere to hide my insecurity.

So will I be the fat woman alone in the spa, hiding in the dark relaxation pool for cover, or will I be the woman who doesn't care, sitting in the jacuzzi actually enjoying some me time.  I don't know yet.

This is a far bigger step than I ever realised.  All safety nets gone.  Exposed.  Alone,  In one way I am excited.  Confident that I can meet this challenge ahead.  In another, I am so scared.

I am not the person that is able to talk easily with strangers.  I am odd.  I am going to be the fat woman alone in her swimsuit.  Experience tells me that this is not going to be easy. But I am more than just my body.  

So send me your steely looks.  Your don't give a fuck attitude.  Your "yes I am fat woman in a swimsuit" confidence.  

My screw you confidence may be waning today, but my stubborn "I will not hide" attitude is still full throttle. 

I am scared, as hell actually now I think about it, but I will do this.

Good Memories

Clothes, are not just clothes.  They hold memories.  Good ones, bad ones, great ones, momentous ones.  

A first kiss, a last kiss; a great night out with the girls, a New Years Eve to remember; the day that even a scathing laugh at your size could not kill the "I feel fabulous in this dress".  

Every night I go through my wardrobe (ok, two wardrobes) and choose what dress I want to wear to work the next day.  Tonight, I came across this dress.

This dress has wonderful memories for me.  It is the first dress I ever wore (in my adult years when I had a choice) that was patterned.  Had bright colours.  Was feminine and floaty and beautiful.  

Up until that point, my entire wardrobe was black.  I remember choosing to wear it for a party, terrified that everyone was going to be looking at me, the wrong way.  I took forever to get ready; changing accessories, changes cardigan; changing my hair,; changing my makeup.

I had decided to use the dress for a blog post, seen here, and you can see the joy on my face when I wore this dress.  The wonderment that I was even wearing it.  I went to the party and felt amazing.  After the initial shock of seeing me in something that was not all black, my friends loved it.

That was just over three years ago now.  Although years in time, it feels like decades.  I wish it wish.

I have changed into a different person in that time.  Someone who isn't afraid of wearing what I want.  Someone who wears a dress every day, so different from the black pants, black top girl that was invisible.  I am not invisible anymore, certainly not in the different pattern I wear every single day.

But is more than that, I no longer want to be invisible.  I want to be seen.  This is part of who I am.  I would not have it any other way.

Don't wait, like I did until you are 33 to wear the clothes you want.  To feel that you are allowed to.  To feel confident.  To say "to hell with what (some) others think".  

Clothes are not just clothes.  They are a physical manifestation of our personalities.  You have one.  Let it SHINE.

Embracing You

I saw a quote by Hugh Laurie this week that really struck a chord with me.

That is what I think about confidence.  If I had a pound for every time during my life that I have thought "When I am older, I'll be confident then" or "Maybe I would be confident if I were to change x, y and z about myself" then I would probably be a billionaire today.

NO.  Strive for confidence now.  DO NOT WAIT.

You can your whole life thinking "If only I was thinner, taller; prettier, then I will be happy", or, alternatively, you can live your life and be happy.  But how?

How do you suddenly become confident?  Well the answer is, at least it was for me, is that confidence is not an instant thing.  It takes work.  It is a journey.  You are constantly learning.  You will have off days.  But they are just bumps in a very long road that has your happiness at the end of it.

The trick for me, was to start small.  What do you think will improve your confidence?  Do you love fashion?  Start with that.  Do you love makeup? Play around.  For me, in a wardrobe full of black, it started with colourful shoes.

Next, the wardrobe.  I knew I loved colour and pattern, but going there was a long journey.  But one day....

This next photo took so much confidence, you can see the trepidation on my face.  The fear.  But I did it.  Which led me to, a couple of months ago wandering round a spa in this swimsuit without a care in the world.

 One thing that really helped me with my confidence was to do a photo shoot.  This was arranged by the utterly fabulous Pamper & Curves.  Betty Pamper was running a vintage style photoshoot and I jumped at the chance.  You can see the pictures from the shoot in the link above, but this is a selfie I took between shots.  I felt beautiful.  It was a cornerstone of finding my confidence.

But it isn't just about makeup and clothes.  Who are you?  Who is that person that you have been hiding beneath your under confident self?  Who is the person that your friends have seen glimpses of and know is there, even if you don't.

Use your voice.  Think about what drives you, what you are passionate about and start speaking out.  Be present.  You are allowed to have an opinion if you want it.  

It took a long time for me to realise that the size of my body and the way I looked did not mean that I was not entitled to speak my mind.  I realised that being fat was only a very small part of who I was.  I began to embrace the outside, love it, but also, let the real me out.  The one talking to you now.

I have seen and spoken to people who are much older in years than I who never found their confidence.  They waited for that lightening bolt that never happened.  Because you have to make it happen.

They say that a journey starts with a single step.  I say that it starts with the second step.  The first step is the want.  The second step is the drive to move forward.

Where will your journey take you?  Take that first and second step.  It is worth it.  It is beyond worth it.

Bored of the Diet Talk

I know that I am not alone in saying this, because I have seen many fat positive women saying the same, but the typical New Years Resolutions of “I am going on a diet because I ate a turkey, four mince pies and a chocolate truffle over Christmas; I look horrendous” are this year, really starting to get on my wick.

Now I am, as you know, a fat person.  It is a part of me but not all of who I am.  I am aware of it and the impact that seeing my body sometimes has on others.  You know the types, either those who like to insult you; in varying ways of behind your back (or hiding behind a computer screen) or those jellyfish stinger types who say “Oh I wish I had half of your confidence!” 

Which translates to:

“If I was as fat as you, I would hide in my shed”

I like my body.  I have no wish to change it.  If others wish to change their body, be it because it is a New Years resolution or otherwise, then do it, but for the love of fuck, stop trying to involve me in your diet talk because I am not interested and what’s more, it is boring as hell!

I cannot count the number of talks I have been party to or brought into with regard to weight loss recently. Including before Christmas “With all I am going to eat this Christmas, lets all challenge ourselves to a weight loss competition in January”.  Erm, no.  That is ridiculous.

Weight loss is not a competition and we should not be compare and contrasting each others bodies in order to declare a winner.  If you want to change something about your body then change it, but leave others out of it.

If your self worth relies on the size of your stomach and the number on your bathroom scales alone, then perhaps your New Years resolution should be to love yourself more.   Because losing 10 pounds after Christmas will not change that. 

Here is a New Years Resolution I intend on sticking to.

Photo Credit

A Weight Loss Journey

Hello all!

Last week I put out a shout out on Facebook and Twitter asking for guest posts for my blog.  In particular what I was looking for were people's personal stories from people who either did not have a blog of their own or was not in their niche.  Something that they wished to share.

The beautiful Lindsay answered my call with this post which I share with you today.  I met Lindsay at +Betty Pamper's "Capturing the Curves" shoot and I can confirm that this lady is beautiful; both inside and out.

Here she is:

The lovely Vicky has asked her readers to guest blog about something important to them. So here’s mine.

Firstly I’ll introduce myself. I’m Lindsay, a 30 something married mum from Norfolk. I have a beautiful daughter, amazing husband, a seemingly perfect life. But the truth is for most of my adult life I have hated my body. To the point its had a negative impact on relationships, work and even with my family. I have been on various diets since I was 17. I have lost weight a several times and gained the weight back every time. The last 16 months I lost 6 stone. I hit my “target” in March of this year. Going from a 22 to as 12. So you may think great, end of story?? Wrong.

You see the truth is I was not any happier with myself. In fact I actually hated my body even more. I analysed everything I ate. Felt guilty constantly. I all of a sudden hated parts of my body, like my tummy that I’d previously not even noticed to the point where I’m embarrassed to say I took laxatives. All this anguish, this hurt, this unhappiness to be thin. To be that certain “acceptable size” then my life would be perfect right? Well I can tell you it's utter bull.

I became very poorly, mentally and in the end, I had to seek medical help. You see the size we are truly has no impact on our happiness. Anyone who say it does is lying. I mean its not like you lose weight and suddenly become a different person. You still have to deal with the same crap everyday. You just deal with wearing a different dress size. That’s it!

I remember back to Christmas 2013. Before I decided to lose weight. I was so happy. Enjoying some fizz, eating yummy Christmas food, excited about Christmas with my family. Then i took part in The Pampers and curves event in March 2014 and had a blast. But I still felt I needed to lose weight. Fast forward to spring this year, 6 stone lighter and I was miserable, insecure and stressed. My hair was thinning, my skin haggard and I had no energy. The health professionals said I was healthy. Was I hell!! I know for a fact I was healthier the year before!

So what’s the point of this post you wonder? Well I have come to the realisation that being thinner, being the ideal weight has not in anyway improved my life. I have discovered that it’s how we live our lives and who we live them with that makes us happy. I am not saying that if you want to lose weight you shouldn’t. Just don’t have any illusions that it will magic your life better. It won’t. I was happier fat!! Yup I said it!! Happier fat. When I wasn’t constantly battling with food, looking at myself in the mirror. Being quite frankly repulsive to myself.

If I can give any advice from my experience its don’t waste your life on diets. They just cause self hatred. I honestly believe there isn’t a single diet worth doing. They are all just trying to make money out of you. You actually losing weight and keeping it off is not there goal.

So I’m now going to really try to develop a more positive relationship with myself. I love all the plus size bloggers so I’m going to follow them. They are all so beautiful. I’m going to see myself that way. I am going to use my family and friends to seek happiness. Enjoy them.

It’s going to be a long journey. A difficult one I’m sure. But I need to, I want to change. I want to enjoy this amazing life I have. The size of my ass should not stop me from being happy. It’s ridiculous. A quote I remember from someone special to me.

“ Your body is merely a vessel to carry you about, 

you are amazing, you are beautiful, you are always enough”

Thanks for reading,

Lindsay  

We Are The They

I am very late in writing this post.  I have been off social media for a while for personal reasons but this half finished blog post has been languishing in my drafts for a while now.  I can stop tweeting, stop using Facebook and checking my emails; but the urge to write stays with me so here you have my thoughts today.

Unless you have been living under a rock, you will no doubt have seen on Twitter the explosion that has been the #WeAreTheThey hashtag.  It started from a wonderful idea of Debz at WannaBe Princess after the comments of the professional rent-a-gob, sorry, "singer" Jamelia and later, Fiona "my career is so shit I now have to advertise the postcode lottery" Phillips.

They are both in agreement that people under and over a certain weight (qualified as under a 6 and above a 20 by way of an "apology" from said rent-a-gob) should have to shop at specialty shops rather than the high street as:

They should be made to feel uncomfortable when they can't go in and find a size

I am tired.  Tired of fat people being the last socially allowed prejudice in society.  The problem is that it is not just the atypical prejudiced people; those who used to be openly racist and homophobic (and whom probably still are behind closed doors) who fat shame, insult, criticize and attempt to humiliate others, it is society as a whole.  

Hate against fat people is an epidemic which will not go away overnight and will not unless the subject is discussed more and hashtags like #WeAreTheThey are publicized.

As a fat women I am told that I can have a pretty face but my body "ruins it".  I am presumed to be stupid, have ill health, be lazy and be an out of work "benefit scrounger".  I am none of these things but it should not matter if I was.  I am a person, deserving of the same respect that everyone gets.  I am not a sub species.

I am tired of the number of your dress size being the way in which you are defined and treated.


I am tired of people telling a fat woman that she is "brave" for wearing a sleeveless dress, a shorter hemline or brighter colours.  She is not brave, she is merely confident in how she looks.  She has a good body image.  If you cannot do the same, find your confidence; do not disparage others for something that you wished you possessed, but do not.

That, in so many ways is what fat shaming really boils down to.  Why some many people are angry about something that effects them in no way, shape or form.  Why other people's bodies are allowed to be insulted open season.  It is jealousy.  Not because they wish they looked like you or had the same body shape, but because they wish they had your confidence.  Your positive body image.  Your happiness.

How many people do you know who own the body they have?  Who does not want to change their body/face/shape/weight.  Our bodies are constantly being compared, both by ourselves and by others to what is termed as the perfect body or as Protein World might put it "Beach Body Ready".

Time and again I see wonderful things happening in the plus size blogging world.  I see readers who (like me once) read plus size blogs and want that confidence for themselves.  The over time the comments of "I wish I had the confidence in myself to wear that" become "here is a picture of me wearing what I never thought I could".

I see women who have previously let society define who they are and how happy they are allowed to be, emerge like a butterfly coming out of a chrysalis into happy, confident women.  It is inspiring and beautiful to watch.

#WeAreTheThey is not just about women under a size 6 and over a size 20, it has been become about all women, taking a stand and refusing to let others tell them that the way that they look is wrong.  You are entitled to your own happiness.  Do not EVER let someone tell you that you aren't.

A Response to the Steve Miller Campaign

We are not born judging others. When we enter this world we do so free from preconceptions, we take people as they are. As such, I did not realise that I was different from other children until I reached primary school. Actually, I did not realise until the parents of my classmates told their children I was I different. I was a chubby child and that was in their eyes wrong.

Growing up, throughout primary school and high school that difference grew. I was a a little bigger than the rest of my classmates and as society's influences on us all multiplied at a massive rate, so did the judgements upon me.

I entered 20s and by this time, my thoughts were consumed by what others thought about my size. Everywhere I went I was told that I looked wrong. I walked down the street and a random man in a van would shout “Fat bitch” at me. Both men and women would make fun of me when I went out on a night out and it got to the stage where I would cross the street when I saw a group of people, afraid that they would make fun of me. Even when I met a man and he told me I was beautiful, I did not believe him. Society told me I looked wrong and I believed them.

I had been indoctrinated and I did not realise it. I had lost myself to the judgements of others and I was drowning.

When I stumbled into plus size fashion blogging it felt like a whole new world. A world where others looked like me, but were happy and confident in who they were. Something awoke in me, a spark ignited.

It started small. I started to look up instead of down. My wardrobe changed from a sea of black to packed full of dresses. I no longer crossed the street, afraid. I smiled back when a man smiled at me, without thinking that he would make fun of me.

I had at long last found myself.

Steve Miller, the creator of “Tell a friend they are fat” tells us that being fat is wrong. That you cannot be fabulous if you are fat. His whole theory seems to be based that fat people do not know that they are fat and that a friend telling them so will “fix them”. I do not know one fat person who has not always known they were fat.

The one thing that I had before I found body confidence was my friends. They knew me, the real me and never judged me. They were my safe haven in a world that hated the way I looked. They still are. A true friend knows that telling you that you are fat is nothing that you do not already know.

I am fat. I was chubby, then grew up fat. Some of it was just the way I am, some because I have a propensity to carbs. What I finally grew to realise however that this is MY BODY. No one elses, mine. I realised that I like my face and my body, just the way it is.

I am not a barbie doll. I do not look perfect (whatever perfect even looks like). What I am is exactly myself. I do not go around telling other people not to smoke, drink or take drugs. I do not expect others to tell me what I should be and how I should look like either. If I choose to lose weight or stay the same, it is my business.

My value does not go up and down like the stock market dependent on what I weigh. My self worth does not decrease if someone decides that they do not like the way that I look. We are all unique and it should be celebrated. We are priceless.

My years of listening to other people about what I should be lead to nothing but hurt, depression, self harm and locking myself away. My acceptance of who I am set me free.

I am happier now than I have ever been. That is healthy. Steve Miller's campaign is not. It is bullying, it is dangerous and let's face it, he does not actually care what happens to the people who because of him are told that they are fat, which they already know; he cares about the fame and money it will bring him. I am sure a new book will no doubt follow.

Steve tells us that by telling a friend they are fat could add a few years to their life. Society's dictations on how I looked took over my life for two decades. Now tell me again which is healthier. Happiness, or living a life being miserable, indoctrinated into believing that you look wrong.

Be happy. Whether you are a size 8 or 28. Happiness is the key to everything good. Not judgement and persecution. If you want to lose weight, do it, for you, but do not, for one second, ever let someone tell you that you are not good enough. Reclaim your life and live it the way that you choose.

My Favourite Dresses of 2014

Whilst 2014 has been a bit of a roller coaster in my personal life, one thing that has not changed is my ever growing love for clothes.  Alongside that love for clothes, my body confidence has grown steadily too and that is in no small way due to the amazing blogs that I read.

Becky (Mrs BeBe) is one blog that I always take time to read.  She first inspired me to start my own blog and I love checking out what she is wearing.  Seeing her progress with her writing and how generously she shares her own story drives me on too.

The fabulous Betty Pamper always looks like she dresses exactly the way she wishes.  Betty wears the things that she wants, without worrying if things are "on trend" (I hate that phrase).  She wears the clothes that she loves, her personality shines through them and she always looks amazing.  This is the way I like to dress myself, not following the trends, just following my style; be it from Bon Marche or Asos.

Dani has the wardrobe that I wish that I could live in.  She is always perfectly styled in her photographs and her choices and combinations always inspire me to make bolder choices.  Love this girl.

Leah is a daily read for me.  Reading her blog is like receiving the most amazing hug of your life.  Her generosity, her willingness to share her life with you, both the ups and the downs and of course the great clothes she wears makes her a must read.  I always wish that I lived closer to Leah as she is just the type of person that I love to have in my life.

Em is just amazeballs.  Read her blog and love her.  That is all.

Mentions also have to be made for Nikki who has the best laugh of anyone I know, Becky whose love for dresses rivals my own (congratulations on your job lovely!) and the amazing Louise who inspires me greatly.

So, on to what I wore this year.  Here are my favourites:

There are just a few of my favourite outfits that I have worn this year, hope you like them as much as I do.

I hope everyone has a happy New Year.  Roll on to 2015, I have a feeling it is going to be a good one!

The Image in the Mirror

*  This post was written for and posted by me on the Huffington Post last week.  I am also posting the article here too as the subject matter is one that means a lot to me and is a waving flag that I can look back on to see the progress I have made in my body confidence journey.

One thing that we are often told is that we always should strive to be better and in many ways, I agree.  Working hard to progress your career, creating goals and attaining them; developing your personality and the way you treat others; all of these things are beneficial to you.

Sometimes however, that strive to be different is not a good thing.  Sometimes, you are enough, just as you are.

When you look into the mirror, what do you see?  Do you see yourself as a whole, or a sum of parts?  For many people when they look into the mirror, the only things they see in their reflection are the things that they think, or have been told, need changing. 

Whether it is your weight, the size of your nose; the freckles on your skin or even the way that you dress; for many people, these perceived imperfections are the only thing that they see.  The person is lost in the image and only the flaws remain.

I cannot count the amount of times that I have looked into the mirror and seen only the things that I wanted to change.  I would look at my face and only see the bright scarlet freckle flashing at me like a beacon from the end of my nose, my eyebrow which is far higher than its counterpart; my far from chiselled jawline; my smile that I thought made me look stupid.  I would move past my neck and see the breasts which are the feature that most use to describe me "You know, her with the big tits", my short waist, my weight. 

I used to see so much in that mirror but what I failed to see was the person looking back at me.

Even the most confident people in their day-to-day lives can lose themselves in their reflection in a mirror.  One of the most confident women I know told me the other day that she wasn't attending an event where she was due to speak because "I am looking awful right now.  I don't want people staring at me". 

When I joined Instagram, I also joined the ranks of people that love taking a selfie.  At first, I could not understand why people enjoyed taking pictures of themselves; particularly as I usually shied away from the camera, which records the mirror image that I so often tore apart.  Then one day, a strange thing happened.  Something that when the thought first crossed my mind; it was in the form of a whisper as it shocked me so much.  I realised that I liked my face, just as it was.

By taking so many pictures of my face, I had started to look at it as a whole, rather than a list of good features versus bad.  This carried on until finally today when I looked into a full-length mirror and realised that I liked what I saw.  I saw my whole self and thought, "You know what, I look good today".

Liking what you see when you look into a mirror is not vanity and should not be dismissed as such.  There is a vast difference between being narcissistic and simply accepting yourself for the way you are and what you look like. 

I look exactly the same now as I did when I would analyse each part.  My weight, my body shape, my messy hair, the innumerable amount of things that I thought wrong with my face, they are all still there.  The difference now is that I look at my face, not my freckle.  I see my personality coming through it.  I look at my whole body, not at what is large and what is not.  I see me.

If you can look into the mirror at yourself as a whole and not judge the reflection staring back at you, then you have won the battle against insecurity.  If you can look in the mirror and see not just a collection of parts that you rate on a sliding scale, but instead, your personality and spirit shining through then you have not just won the battle, you have won the whole bloody war.

The truth behind our war with the mirror is that we have as a society separated the people who we are with the way that we look.  You are judged on the way you look before people even know your personality.  Every day we see airbrushed versions of celebrities in magazines where every flaw and blemish is erased and these images are held up as an example of what we should strive for.

From now on, I intend to strive for happiness.  It is perhaps society itself that needs to take a long good look in the mirror.