We Are The They

I am very late in writing this post.  I have been off social media for a while for personal reasons but this half finished blog post has been languishing in my drafts for a while now.  I can stop tweeting, stop using Facebook and checking my emails; but the urge to write stays with me so here you have my thoughts today.

Unless you have been living under a rock, you will no doubt have seen on Twitter the explosion that has been the #WeAreTheThey hashtag.  It started from a wonderful idea of Debz at WannaBe Princess after the comments of the professional rent-a-gob, sorry, "singer" Jamelia and later, Fiona "my career is so shit I now have to advertise the postcode lottery" Phillips.

They are both in agreement that people under and over a certain weight (qualified as under a 6 and above a 20 by way of an "apology" from said rent-a-gob) should have to shop at specialty shops rather than the high street as:

They should be made to feel uncomfortable when they can't go in and find a size

I am tired.  Tired of fat people being the last socially allowed prejudice in society.  The problem is that it is not just the atypical prejudiced people; those who used to be openly racist and homophobic (and whom probably still are behind closed doors) who fat shame, insult, criticize and attempt to humiliate others, it is society as a whole.  

Hate against fat people is an epidemic which will not go away overnight and will not unless the subject is discussed more and hashtags like #WeAreTheThey are publicized.

As a fat women I am told that I can have a pretty face but my body "ruins it".  I am presumed to be stupid, have ill health, be lazy and be an out of work "benefit scrounger".  I am none of these things but it should not matter if I was.  I am a person, deserving of the same respect that everyone gets.  I am not a sub species.

I am tired of the number of your dress size being the way in which you are defined and treated.


I am tired of people telling a fat woman that she is "brave" for wearing a sleeveless dress, a shorter hemline or brighter colours.  She is not brave, she is merely confident in how she looks.  She has a good body image.  If you cannot do the same, find your confidence; do not disparage others for something that you wished you possessed, but do not.

That, in so many ways is what fat shaming really boils down to.  Why some many people are angry about something that effects them in no way, shape or form.  Why other people's bodies are allowed to be insulted open season.  It is jealousy.  Not because they wish they looked like you or had the same body shape, but because they wish they had your confidence.  Your positive body image.  Your happiness.

How many people do you know who own the body they have?  Who does not want to change their body/face/shape/weight.  Our bodies are constantly being compared, both by ourselves and by others to what is termed as the perfect body or as Protein World might put it "Beach Body Ready".

Time and again I see wonderful things happening in the plus size blogging world.  I see readers who (like me once) read plus size blogs and want that confidence for themselves.  The over time the comments of "I wish I had the confidence in myself to wear that" become "here is a picture of me wearing what I never thought I could".

I see women who have previously let society define who they are and how happy they are allowed to be, emerge like a butterfly coming out of a chrysalis into happy, confident women.  It is inspiring and beautiful to watch.

#WeAreTheThey is not just about women under a size 6 and over a size 20, it has been become about all women, taking a stand and refusing to let others tell them that the way that they look is wrong.  You are entitled to your own happiness.  Do not EVER let someone tell you that you aren't.

Unconscious Fat Shaming

I said that I would not be posting on the blog for a little while given circumstances at home; but today I want to think about something that isn't sadness, worry and hospitals so I went looking for something to pique my interest.

I ended up on the Women's Rights Page on Facebook reading this post about a lady called Brittany Miles who runs a blog on Tumblr called Full Bodied Lovin She tells her story of overcoming depression and anorexia and her journey to finding self acceptance. She describes her blog as "a place to nurture my own self love, and help create a culture of acceptance for others".

Now, whilst I am rapidly discovering that the Women's Rights Page isn't all it is cracked up to be, with many many adverts, strange off topic statuses and mixed messages; I read this post as the lady in question sounded inspirational, and she was.

The comments however soon began to make my blood boil and I needed an outlet for my thoughts, which is why this post is coming to you now.

Remembering that this was a woman who had overcome fat shaming, who had gotten through anorexia and depression as a result and brought herself out at the other end; wanting to share her story and inspire and encourage others, some of the comments were in my view harmful.

It wasn't so much the troll type comments of which there actually were few, it was the misguided ones that really bothered me.  The "she isn't fat, she's lovely", the "she isn't fat, she's gorgeous" the "you're not fat by the way, you're beautiful!"  The last comment was directly in reply to her own personal comment on the page thanking them for sharing her story.

All of these messages I know came, in the commenter's eyes, from a good place.  An encouraging place.  But that therein is the problem.  What they are actually saying is "It is ok, you are not fat now.  You are good enough".

Do you not understand how harmless and dangerous it is to saying that to someone who is recovering from an eating disorder?????

I questioned one of the said commenters saying "Why can she not be both fat and lovely" and someone else responded with:

"I think because fat has a negative connation to it"

The word fat only has a negative vibe to it if you allow it to.  If you call someone fat as an insult, that says more about you as a person than it does anything else.   

In my opinion using phrases like "You are not fat, you are beautiful" is just a sugar coated version of saying that fat is bad, you shouldn't be fat, but it is ok because I don't think you are so that is alright.  It isn't the classic version of fat shaming, but it isn't too many steps away from that.  It is unconscious fat shaming.

I believe that we need to tell people when we hear this happening, whether the comment is coming from a place of malice or a genuinely wanting to be nice.  I know when someone says something like that to me it really rattles my cage.  I am fat.  I am not shying away from that.  Those people trying to sugar coat your weight  in an attempt to what they think will make you feel "better" are actually trying to justify your weight to themselves.

To understand why you could be happy at a certain size when they could not.

The lady in question is a US size 12-14 now and is happy and body confident.  This is so amazing and she inspires me so much.  What worries me however are the people who didn't read her Tumblr page as clearly many didn't.  What would they have said to her if they knew what her dress size was?  Would the sugar coating have been dropped and replaced with venom?

I am aware that a lot of my anger and frustration in writing this post is as much about what has been occurring (unrelated) in my personal life as the comments on the Women's Rights post. With that said, I am curious as to what anyone else's views are on this topic.  What do you think about unconscious fat shaming?

The PS Community

I have seen a lot of talk recently regarding the plus size blogging community and how it seems to becoming more brand/clothing focussed rather than promoting body positivity and confidence.

I have read a few differing opinions on this subject, particularly after reading Gail’s thoughts on GailyGumDrops

The way that I see it is that everyone runs their own blog their own way.  It is a very personal thing, having a blog and you can have a myriad of reasons for running it.  My blog started because I loved to write, wanted somewhere I could vent my thoughts and this theme has carried on.  I do the plus size fashion alongside the thought and opinion pieces.  I never wanted it to be just one thing.

When it comes to being plus size and doing the fashion thing, I have written some pieces on body positivity and confidence but in the majority, the posts are me wearing pretty dresses.  I have worked with some brands which has been massively exciting for me, but if I never worked with another brand again, I would still be posting photographs.

Before starting fashion blogging I had no confidence, no body positivity and felt unworthy.  What inspired me to blog, like Gail, were pictures of other plus size women, wearing fantastic fashion and looking bloody brilliant.  It was their confidence in wearing those clothes that inspired me to grow and become who I am now. 

For me, a picture is worth a thousand words and those pictures of confident, fashionably, happy women did more than a dozen articles telling me how to be confident.

But that’s just me.  That’s my own journey and every person’s journey is personal to them.  Some are inspired by pictures, others by words, others by both.  There are some blogs that have pieces on body confidence that I have read over and over again, we all have own angles and our own stories. 

The plus size community is a diverse place, as it should be, and long may it continue.