Making Choices

Life is always about choices.  The ones you make, the ones you allow yourself to make and also the ones that you convince yourself that you can't.

You can only be restricted in your choices if you allow in other factors.  Such as what other people think.  If you allow other people's influences and judgement into your choices, then it becomes more about what they want and think than you.

When I started a degree through the Open University last year, it was a snap decision.  I was still trying to figure things out within myself and I thought doing a degree might be interesting to do.  What I didn't think about was how much of a commitment I was making and the reasons behind it.  

I chose to work at a 25% rate given that I work full time and still wanted a life and other interests.  Adding that up to the honours degree I had chosen equated to the next fourteen years of my life.  Going into it I couldn't say if I wanted a change of career at the end of it.  I basically drifted into it.

This week, after being on the course six months, I sat myself down and asked myself some questions.  Questions that had been in my head for weeks, but I'd ignored.  Why had I ignored them?  Because I didn't want to be called a quitter.

Are you ready to commit yourself for 14 years on this?

No

Do you actually plan to change career?

Honestly, no.  I'm not career driven, never have been.  I chose it for interest.

Is there anything you want more than this?

Yes.  I want to give the blog more of a go.  I want to try and expand on the writing side, and not just on the blog.  I may not be any form of Shakespeare, but I truly love it and it makes me happy.

I asked myself those questions and there was my answer.  I've withdrawn from the degree.

Will some call me a quitter?  Probably.  Was it too hard?  No.  I was maintaining a First after all.  Will I regret my decision. No,  I don't think I will.  I would have regretted more if I was still having the same thoughts two years later and still hadn't done anything about it.

Some people are about education, some about fun, some are about their careers, some are about the life outside of what.  Further education isn't for me.  I've made my choice.

Shocking, Apparently

I am going to make a very shocking comment.  Apparently.  I do not want children.

I say “apparently” because I don’t find it a shocking statement.  But I am amazed at the amount of people who, when told (having asked), have reactions that range from scandalised to scathing and some who refuse to believe me.

The most irritating comment I get, on a frequent basis, is “You’ll change your mind”.  I’m sorry, but last time I checked I know my mind very well.  At 32 I’m quite able to make the big decisions.  Or the other classic “You just haven’t met the right man”.

People can, and do make the big decisions all the time.  Meat eater or vegetarian, gay or straight, religious or atheist, the list goes on and on.  All these choices are now socially acceptable.  You always get the idiots of course who will question these choices, but the majority of people will take what you say and that will be it.

But say that you don’t want children and people just don’t understand you. 

I would never dream of asking a parent why they wanted children.  Not just asking, but badgering, asking for detailed reasons.  But if you don’t want offspring, you find yourself under near interrogation sometimes, justifying your choice.

Personally, I am not a “child” person.  I have never had a maternal instinct.  In fact I would be the first person to admit that I am too self absorbed to have children.  I also couldn’t afford one either.  But my views on that particular point are a whole different blog.

So, to the “normal” people, as I have heard referred to as all those who want children as opposed to us “oddballs” who don’t want them, I say this.

I respect your decision to have children, please respect mine not to have them.  I work full time, I pay my taxes and in part, I am financially supporting you in your decision.  Please bear that in mind next time you question my decision.  

Mini rant over.