10 Day You Challenge–Day 3!

Today is eight fears.

Fear I think is something much more personal to share than things you love.  You can have irrational fear, illogical fear, unfounded fear and secret fear, all as real as one another but we share them with others than the things we love.

1. Spiders.  Probably something on a lot of people’s lists.  But seriously, NOTHING needs that many legs.  The spiders that turn up in my house I swear have been down to the gym first.  They are always huge and can run like a mothertrucker.
2. Open stairs.  As I mentioned on day one, I have a problem with stairs, but when faced with a set of open stairs, I break out into a sweat and start to panic.  I would rather face a charging Rhino than open stairs.
3. The thought that I might never meet someone who gets my brand of crazy, and loves me still, scares the hell out of me.  I don’t want to walk through this life to the end on my own.
4. A secret fear, that no one knows about, is that for some reason I am getting increased scared to be a passenger in a car.  I gave my car up about 5 years ago (not for this reason) but always loved driving and being in a car, preferably fast down a motorway.  Now I am increasingly getting scared.  I will beat this fear. 
5. The dentist.  I’ve never had or needed more than a scrape and polish all my life until last year when I knocked a tooth loose and needed an extraction.  Combining 1 emergency dentist, 1 tooth out and anaesthetic which I’ve never had before numbing my entire throat equalled a panic attack outside of the dentist, unable to breath.  Since then I am a quivering wreck in the waiting room and in the chair.  Note to self, take someone with you.
6. Snow and ice.  I am terrified of falling over and slipping in snow and ice.  This just seems to get worse with age.  This winter though I invested in some ice cleats, finally, which helped enormously.  I could actually walk around with looking like a complete idiot.
7. Letting down the people I care about.  Self explanatory really!
8. Fear itself.  I don’t want to be afraid of anything. 

So there you go! 8 fears.  See, they are more personal than things you love aren’t they?

The People on the Bus

I get the bus to and from work every day.  You tend to get the same people getting on and off and I like to play a game with myself of guessing what kind of person they are purely by observations.

There is the woman with two devil children who run up and down the bus, standing on the side seating trying to balance whilst the bus hurtles along the road.  She says nothing and the bus driver has to ask them to sit down. 

There is the little old lady who always smiles at me when I get on the bus.  She is 80 if she is a day, but she is always perfectly turned out and has a ready smile for everyone.  I don’t know where she goes to three times a week, but she always seems happy to go there!

There is one passenger who gets on every day though who freaks me out a little.  If you were told to picture a serial killer in your head, he would be what I saw in my mind.  I can’t put my finger what exactly it is about him.  Typically though, he gets off at the same stop at me.

He is an ordinary man to look at, in his 40’s I’d say, but he has this gaze when he looks at you that just seems off.  His fingernails are way too long and he likes to tap them against the rail. 

He also has a quirk where he waits for someone to press the stop button, and then he practically runs to the front of the bus, then turns around and stares at the person behind.  It is quite disconcerting if you are that person.

If someone gets to the front before him, he tries to stand as close as possible to them and puts his hand above theirs.

He is probably a normal guy but I’ve observed his quirks for too long now and I always think “serial killer” when I see him. 

Who knows what people think of me when they observe me on the bus.  Why is she staring at all the other passengers probably!

 

Photo from Maritime Catholic - Crazy People on Bus

 

Black Clouds

Sometimes, a few times a year actually, I get what I tend to call my black cloud.

Contrary to what you see on Twitter with my regular ranting, stroppy self, off Twitter I’m quite a sunny person.  Different aspects of your personality and all that.

Depression hits me a few times a year.  I’m not going to deny it.  It’s the price you pay for compartmentalisation.   If you shove everything that hurts/you don’t like in a drawer, now and again it’s going to escape and bite you in the ass.

Right now, I’m in a crappy place.  I’ve been there before and it’s not a nice vacation.  But it’s normally a short stay as opposed to the long haul.  If it ever becomes long haul then feel free to send in the men with the white coats.

I’m not saying any of this in an attempt to garner sympathy or whatever. But saying “I’m disappearing for a few days because I have issues” normally needs a least a short explanation.  Before people think that you are mental.  Which I probably am.  But you knew that already

Typical fucking me for entering black cloud stage right before the Monaco Grand Prix.   Although if the quali/race doesn’t pull me back, nothing will lol

See you in a few.  xx