Happy New Year!

I am writing this blog to you sat in my room in a house in Kendal with the same friends that I go on holiday with each New Year.

Times change, the world turns, lives move in different directions but in the end, we all remain the same to each other.  Friends that have stood the test of time.  We are all different in many ways, but the bond we have holds us together and I hope always will.

I am never more myself than I am with these people.  This time together at New Year is like a long slow exhale, my shoulders relax to a point where I realise how tense they were before; I am silly and happy.

We all revert to the same college years mentality, despite never actually all going to school together.  Sharing a meal, arguing about what film we want to watch next, throwing death stars at each other after one too many beers.

Death stars by the way is a game we came up with during our New Year break a couple of years ago.  Freezing the chocolates of the Quality Street box that you don't like and then throwing them at each other.  Like I said, reverting to college years mentality.

These people accept me for who I am.  They do not want to change me nor want me to change.  

Every year we hear so much about New Years resolutions.  They all revolve around changing yourself in some way.  Whether it be stopping smoking or losing weight; changing our character and resolving to be "a better you".  What is a better you exactly?  What is wrong with the way you are now?

There is nothing wrong with making these resolutions but it is important that you are wanting to make these changes for the right reasons.  Are you happy in yourself or it is society or those around you that think that these changes need to be made?

Changes have to be made when you are ready to make them, should they need to be made in the first place.  I plan to stop smoking next year.  This is not a New Year resolution.  It is plan that I intend to implement at a point that I am ready to do so.  

There is nothing like the pressure of feeling like you have to accomplish or start something by a certain date to put you off completely.

How about this for for New Years resolutions that we all need at some point?  Be good to yourself.  Remind yourself to put yourself first more.  Realise that although bad things can happen, you have been through bad times before and you have got through them.  You will get through them again.

Cherish your family and friends.  Bring yourself closer to the people who love you for the way you are, not the ones who wish to change you.  Realise that some relationships cannot be saved and move on.  

I wish you all a very happy New Years Eve and a very happy 2017.

Vicky xx

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

The image that we see in the mirror is different for everyone.  For some, we see clearly what we look like, for others, the image is distorted.  The reflection looking back is viewed through a filter of society's expectations and with that, our perception of the way we look changes.

I have spoken about this previously in my post The Image in the Mirror 

What particularly interests me however is the way in which that society filter disappears when we look at our friends and the ones we love.  We do not judge them by the way that society judges us, we love them for who they are and we appreciate their own beauty.  We do not see the so called imperfections that we see in ourselves.

I was chatting the other day to a woman that I know well.  She was telling me about a brilliant night out she had been on with some friends.  She then proceeded to show me a photograph taken of her with her friends saying "Look how horrible and fat I look compared to them".

I looked at the photograph and saw a gorgeous, happy, smiling woman. 

A thought then occurred to me and I asked her to tell me what she would think if she and another person saw a photograph of me and that other person commented how fat I was and how horrible I looked.

Immediate anger crossed her face and she said something along the lines of "Just let them say something like that in front of me!"

This, right here, is the most complex issue that needs to be dealt with.  Thinking it completely unacceptable to insult me, a woman much fatter than her, yet it was perfectly acceptable for her to act that way towards herself.

This does not just happen between my friend and I, it happens everywhere.  Women judging themselves, picking apart their appearances and hating themselves for the way they look yet also simultaneously knowing that such hate is wholly wrong.  Two exact forms of hate, kept in a perfect balance, until you point it out.

Contrary to the popular belief, I think that people need to look in the mirror more, not less.  Get comfortable with the way you look.  Take that selfie, take a thousand of them.  Embrace that face that is uniquely yours and recognise the beauty within it. 

Look at your body, remember how far it has taken you, what it helps to you accomplish every single day.  Look at the things that you love about it.  Aside from your mind, it is the most precious thing you have and will be with you your whole life.

There are no wrong features and there is no wrong way to look.  Our uniqueness is beautiful.  The red freckle on the end of my nose that I used to hate and cover hastily with makeup is now loved.  It is distinctive to me and a part of me. 

Start that love affair.  

Look Where You Wish

I watched the Look Up video recently and have seen it quickly go viral all over the internet, the irony of which is not lost on me…. 

The fact that the video was created for the internet makes it nothing more than a cog, taking full advantage of the machine of which it is a part of.  The video is just a highly romanticised concept, practically begging to be shared across the social networks.  It isn’t telling us anything we don’t already know and I have seen similar such videos saying the same things.

Preaching at people that we should be less reclusive and reserved is all very well and good, but not all of us are naturally outgoing.  It is ok to be introverted; it is ok to be shy.  It is ok to be whoever you are.  Technology at its core is about making life better for people, finding solutions and improvements to whatever you need and social media is about connecting people in different ways which is a good thing.

I agree that sometimes we can be too connected to our phones and in a social setting it can be that everyone is on their mobile phones or on the internet; socialising with others yet ignoring the people around them.

But there is another side to the story.  (At this point I must mention that Big Fashionista has spoken about this subject in Look Down and you should definitely read it!).

For some, social media isn’t just a form of entertainment.  It isn’t just about playing Farmville or seeing how many likes you can get on your Facebook status.  It isn’t just about Lolcats or sharing your day on Twitter.

For some, it is an escape route.  For some it is a place where they can find a community of people that they don’t have in their offline life.  For some it is the place to go searching for answers when none can be found.  For some it gives you a voice where you had none.  For some, what you find on the internet ends up enriching all aspects of your life, both online and off.

Many of those reasons I can apply to myself.  I can pinpoint the exact point that my life started to turn around for the better.  I joined Twitter.  The small voice that I had, it got louder.  My opinions got stronger.  I found people like me, who think the way I do, who have experienced what I have. 

I know a network of people online that I could never have found offline.  A group of bloggers who are based all over the country who get exactly who I am.  They understand the way I think, why I think it and have lived similar lives.  This couldn’t have happened if it hadn’t been for the internet.

My offline life has been enhanced by the time I spend online and I have met some amazing people, some whom I have met face to face, others who I am yet to meet but feel like I know well.

The beauty of the internet and social media is that you can get out of it as much, or as little as you want.  It is a resource.   Yes we should probably spend more time off our phones when in company and should ring our friends more than we should text, but the benefits of social media are vast and shouldn’t be discounted or discouraged.

Friends for Life

I used to be addicted to the "Friends" series.  I still miss it.

I came across this on Buzzfeed, you may have seen it, but if you haven't, you NEED to check this out.

I came across all nostalgic!

31 Things Friends Taught Us About Life

Enjoy!

 

All a Bit of a Cock-tail

Hello!

Last week I did a post about a new dress that I had recently bought from +Simply Be  but couldn’t decide how to wear it.  After reading Choices, Choices the majority decided that the red cardigan was the way forward.

Last night I went for a catch up afternoon/evening with the girls and had great plans for taking photographs of me in the day out in the City, with better backdrops than my usual bedroom wall. 

However, what I was of course forgetting was the fact that I was out with the girls and we were having cocktails.  I managed one photograph of me, one of my hotel window view, and the rest of our various cocktails!

A room with a view

The chosen outfit!

You know you have had too many cocktails when you try to
(badly)  backlight your drink with a candle

A brilliant evening and a clear headed morning followed thanks to a humongous breakfast at the Premier Inn. 

What did you get up to this weekend?

10 Day You Challenge – Day 4!

Today’s challenge is 7 wants.  This should be a hard one, but only in the sense of limiting it to 7 haha!

1. Love.  The first want is always love.
2. Continued friendship.  I have friends in my life that I want to have until the day I die. 
3. A designer handbag.  Just one.  Yes, a frivolous want, but just once in my life I want to have something from a major designer. 
4. I want to travel much more extensively than I have.  There are so many places in the world that I want to see.  I’m not the backpacker type before you ask.  Girl needs her straightening irons and a hotel room.
5. A big want here.  I want more people to realise that animals have just as much a right to live on this earth as the rest of us.  A rat is not vermin, a mink is not a coat and a lion is not there to be caged and then hunted down and killed by rich idiots.
6. To write more.  In addition to writing my blog I would love to write elsewhere too and not just for free.  Who knows if that will happen.
7. To carry on believing that anything is possible.

Number 8 would have been a tall dark handsome stranger but damn, I ran out of numbers!

 

Best Friends

I recently saw a post on the lovely Leah’s blog, Just Me, Leah about her best friends and she has kindly allowed me to use her idea.

I’m not the type of person to have lots and lots of friends.  I have, and I prefer to have a few close friends.  I feel incredibly lucky that my really close friends are like family to me.  We are quite a diverse group and when you actually listen to how many differing opinions we have on everything, it is amazing that we all get on, but we fit together like a jigsaw puzzle.  None of us the same but fitting together perfectly.

My oldest friend is my best friend Vicky.  Being of the same name we always used to introduce ourselves as “Double Trouble”.  I have known Vicky since secondary school and she is the most unbelievable friend.

She is a rock when I need her, always supportive and knows me, inside and outside.   Vicky has known me through depressed times, slightly wild and crazy times, through reflection and into happiness.  All the while she has stood by my side, letting me carve my own path as she knows I prefer to do, cheering me on from the sideline and generally being bloody awesome.

My other best friend I met through Vicky’s husband, who is also brilliant.  Shona and I had an unusual start in that neither particularly liked the other on first meeting, or second meeting come to that!  It took a night out with mutual friends for us both to realise that in fact we actually could be really good friends. 

Shona is an incredibly loyal friend and someone who will always have your back.  The trait I love most in Shona that is that she shoots straight from the hip.  You will always get the honest opinion from her.  I rate honesty and loyalty very highly when it comes to friends and you couldn’t get someone more loyal or honest than Shona.

Here are a few photos of me and my lovely girls.

Midnight on New Year's Eve - Portugal

 

I'm a lucky girl!

 

52 Lists - Week 5

This is a series of weekly posts. The idea does not belong to me and I have borrowed from Moorea Seal Becky Brown of Does My Blog Make me look Fat? is also doing these lists.
The idea is to post a different list each week to share with your readers and each other.

LIST WHAT YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR

My family, and I include my friend family in that too.  I cherish the people that I love in my life.  They are my backbone when times are tough and people who will celebrate my happiness with me when times are great.

A special mention for my mum - for being just as silly as I am and being as much of a friend as my mother.

Another special mention for my best friend Vicky who has been there and stuck by my side through thick and thin.  She is amazing and I am very lucky to have a friend like her.

My determination - some call it being stubborn, but that determination is what helped me to quit smoking, stop me biting my nails and hold my ground in an opinion when I wanted to, but shouldn't, back down.

The psbloggers community - without whom I am not sure I would ever have found body confidence.

Twitter - yes, I did just say Twitter.  But joining Twitter helped me to find my voice and give me the confidence to really say what I thought.

Having a boss at work who I know has my back.  A very rare thing.  To also have a friend who shares my office who is just like me is another miracle.

For living in the UK.  We may moan about how badly off we are, but compared to others, we are so lucky.

Living in the 21st century as a woman.  Although we definately have a way to go in some areas, certainly when it comes to the issue of rape still being associated with how we dress by some, I am very grateful that I don't have to fight for the right to vote and that I am not a classed as a second class citizen.

My new philosophy of saying yes to everything.  It opens up a world of new possibilities.

My health.

A full time job that keeps the wolves at bay (just about!).

My new (much late in the game) lack of tolerance for all things negative.

52 Lists - Week 4

This is a series of weekly posts. The idea does not belong to me and I have borrowed from Moorea Seal I have also seen that @boo_brown is also doing these lists and her blog inspires me too.

The idea is to post a different list each week to share with your readers and each other.

List your Current & Future Goals & Dreams

Hug more. 

Criticise less.

Be happy. 

Help my mum to continue to feel as young as she looks

Cherish the ones I love.

Find love.

Continue to gain and maintain confidence

Promote confidence in others

Remember that there are always others worse off than I and to celebrate how lucky I am.

Try to become less patronising when making a point!  (Yes Vicky, you know you do!)

Take an online course.

Say yes more.

Hesitate before saying no.

Find love (yes I’ve written that twice)

Laugh more.

See a Formula One race in a foreign country.

Go to visit the Tiger Temple in Thailand.

Try not to worry about things I can’t change and focus instead on the things that I can.

 

All that Glitters....

There are some people in the world that sparkle so brightly.  When they are in your presence it is like having the sun shining on you, and it's glorious.  It isn't gender specific, both men and women can have this glow.  I think that we have all met people like this.

I’ve known two people like this now.  What I’ve come to the conclusion of is; all that glitters is not golden.

Friendship should be about loyalty, about mutual respect and going that extra mile for someone you care about.  Celebrating each other’s achievements and above all, always being there for that person.  Friendship isn’t one sided.

I’m finding more and more that the people who sparkle are also the ones that don’t make the effort.  They expect other people to run after them and unless something involves them, they just aren’t interested.

But because they sparkle, they tend to be forgiven as soon as you see them.

One day, inevitably with a friendship with someone like that, you stop making the effort.  You decide to let them do the contacting and wait and see if they support you as much as you have supported them.  The answer is always the same, they don’t.

Just like the firework sparklers you have on Bonfire Night, these people shine so brightly when they are around and the world seems little darker when they disappear.  But they have no substance and give nothing back. 

The truth of the matter is, I would rather have than a slow burning candle, just as bright, just as beautiful, but always there when you need it, than a flash of light for entertainment purposes any day. 

The sparklers are a nice distraction, but true friendship lasts a lifetime.