Stopping Smoking - Can It Change You As a Person?

Just a little musing on the blog today and a question:  Has anyone experienced a real change in their personality, mental health or general mental wellbeing since they stopping smoking cigarettes?

Image by roegger from Pixabay

First and foremost, let me say that I am not one of those irritating ex smokers who suddenly think that cigarettes are the plague of the earth and shout loudly and regularly from the rooftops of how disgusting smoking is.

I MISS IT.  I miss it so much.  I miss the after dinner cigarette, I miss the pleasurable addition of smoking when having a glass of wine or a cocktail; I miss the temporary calmness they would give me if I was having a bad day.  I miss them.

As a smoker you are well used to all the people that would wax lyrical about how bad it was for your health and how much money it must be costing you etc.  You would feel like wanted to stab them in the eye?  I still feel like that.  Sanctimonious ex smokers can take a hike.

Anyway.  Back to topic.  Physical health and money benefits aside, can't say I have really noticed either yet, I have to say that my mental health and wellbeing has definately changed.

For as long as I can remember, probably my whole adult life, I have had a numbing or  muting of emotions.  General the positive emotions.  Sadness, pain and anxiety I never had a problem with.  How typical. 

Feelings of anticipation, excitement, joy, happiness, feelings of just being damn normal, were just not really there.  I said the words and played out the emotions for people, but I never felt them.  I knew what they felt like because I used to experience them, but hadn't in many many years.

Not feeling, felt normal.  All the bright colours of emotions just did not live within me, except the black that occasionally would overtake me.  Everything was just muted.

Image by Alexandra Haynak from Pixabay

The only reason that I knew that I was not "normal", if anyone ever really is, is that on the occasional day, I felt everything.  It felt wonderful.  I would just wake up one day and experience a full day of normal feelings.  The world became exciting and full of wonderment.  Sadly, the next day, I went back to normal, my normal.

Not to tempt fate here (please fate, I'll be good I promise), but after around four weeks of not smoking, all of these feelings have come back.  I feel genuine happiness.  I feel excited when plans are made.  I feel anticipation when something good and new is about to happen.  I feel.   I feel everything.

Is this an effect of stopping smoking?  It would a be a very large coincidence if it was not related. 

My question I guess is very specific as I do not know anyone else who lived with the muting of emotions that I did.  I am sure that there is a name for it but I do not know what it is.

Whatever the reason, the world is full of colour again.  I look forward to each day, whatever it may hold and there is always now, some happiness to be found.  Even in the smallest corner.

Gone in a Puff of Smoke

I turned 38 last week.  Although I have luckily inherited my mum's genes and tend to look younger than I am (except first thing in the morning when I look 70 haha), I am more conscious as I get older than I need to take better care of my skin and my health.

The grey hairs that start to appear, quickly vanished by the hair dye.  That wrinkle under your eye that appeared overnight that you pray will disappear when you wake up properly.  Not having as much energy.  Slowly and surely, they all start to come into play.  The sands of time never stop moving.

There are of course ways that you can role back some of those effects.  One of them is taking better care of your skin, not relying on face wipes (I know, I know) and pale soap and water instead of a regular cleanse, tone and moisturiser routine.  When you treat skin well, it repays you.  I can practically hear it saying thank you when I apply my Clinique moisturiser.

Another way to keep your skin and hair looking as youthful as you can is by watching what you are putting into your body.  In this case, it is the toxins of cigarettes.

Turning 38 is only two years away from being 40.  An age where I never thought that I would still smoke.  Having quit for two years before, I know that I can do it.  I remember the benefits gained from quitting smoking that was not just my bank balance.

Food was tastier.  A fresher complexion.  My hair looked shinier.  I woke up earlier and felt like I had so much more energy.

So this week, I am going to bite the bullet again.  

Last time I used the cold turkey method but my life is different now.  I am pulled in many different directions and have many more things that want my time and my attention.  I do not have the energy to commit to the hell of cold turkey.  This needs to be a slower process.

So this time, I am going to go down the vaping route. 

As I have an upcoming holiday, I thought it wise to check out whether vaping is allowed in the two countries that I can going to this year.  This guide to vaping and travelling has proved very helpful and I urge follow vape travellers to check it out.