Taking The Leap

Well, I've done it.

I wrote recently that I wanted to move away from commercial writing and focus on opinion pieces.  Talk about the things that I wanted to again, instead of using the blog as a part time job with the occasional thought piece thrown in.

I have said similar things before and my intentions have been pure, but somehow I have always found myself lured back in.  A quick guest post or two, a link, then just another couple of sponsored posts.  Not this time.  No more.  I am done.

The real catalyst for all of this I think comes from my Twitter account.  I have always said what I thought on Twitter in the most part, but over recent months I have become more vocal and have become tired of hiding some parts of my thoughts in order to maintain my blog.

I got an email reply from a PR this week, stating that although she loved my blog (do they ever actually mean that? I doubt it), my Twitter account was not something that their client would want to be associated with.

So that, right there was the moment.  Do I reel back what I think and become once again a pen for profit, or do I do what I set out to do?

I decided it was time to be true to myself again.  I started by thanking the said PR for her comments.  Then I unsubscribed to all blogging emails, removed myself from paid blogging groups on Facebook, unfollowed all PR companies on Twitter and started to move away from all the people I had followed purely for numbers rather than actual interest in their content.

I began to get excited about writing again.  Ideas tumbled into my head about what I wanted to write and I finally finished the interview post that I have been preparing over the past few weeks (upcoming in the next week).

Right now, I have five different posts in draft, all different subjects, all partly written when I have come up with an idea and just had to get the bones of it written down. 

My thoughts, feelings and opinions are flowly straight through my fingers again and it feels wonderful.  I don't care about profit, numbers or even whether anyone reads my musings from now on, or not.

But I am back to being totally myself, warts and all. 

Turns out that turning 40 is a little like having a revolution in your head.  I like it.

It Is Better To Be In the Dark?

*Lengthy post - I think (and learn what I think) while I write sometimes

As we grow older, our thoughts and opinions change and evolve; as we do.

We learn about new subjects and topics.  We educate ourselves on the things that we are interested in.  We may take more interest in the news and current affairs and become more worldly.  

As the years roll on, we learn that the best way to educate yourself on a topic, particularly one that has large numbers of followers on both sides of the equation, like politics for example, is to look at both sides of the argument equally and then make up your own mind.

I recently undertook a political compass test which showed what you associated with politically and was surprised to find that I was much more of a centrist than left wing.

I have to admit that it was not until my early thirties that I became even remotely interested in politics and to be honest, I did not even know what left and right wing even meant.  Since then I joined Twitter.  I educated myself politically.   I learned about feminism, declaring myself one in the process.  This lead me finding out about MRAs, MGTOWs, Red pillers, incels.  Then religion.  Extremists on all sides.  The abortion debate.  It went on and on.

Each new thing that I learned about and discovered sent me down another rabbit hole of discovery.

I believe that it is important for everyone to have at least a basic knowledge of current affairs, what is happening in the world, how you generally lean politically; what is happening in the news.  

The question that I have today however is, has all this knowledge, learning and second by second discussion about everything on platforms like Twitter actually made us happier; or has it affected our lives in a negative way?  

Either way, you can never go back.  You can shut down your social media and stop reading the news, but once that thirst for knowledge and discovery has taken you, it is a hard thing to throw away.

At the moment I feel like we are in such a complicated timeline.  You can be whatever you want to be, identify with what or whomever you wish to be and say it loudly and proudly.  

At the same time however, the language that we use, the thoughts that we have and the opinions we share (whether fact and science based on not) are getting policed more and more each day.  The left wing mantra of "Be who you want to be" now has a double edged sword of "Accept and roll over backwards to accommodate everyone, or you might find the police at your door".

Out of my friends and family, with one exception being the man I am dating, I am the most politically driven, socially aware, opinion driven person in my group of people.  

Whilst having a basic (and frankly enough knowledge that is needed) about what is going on in the world, my friends and family care less and know little about things like feminism and MGTOWs.  They do not argue women's body autonomy rights on the internet nor know anything about the current ongoing battles between women and gender critical feminists versus trans rights activists.  They don't really follow current affairs.

You know what though?  They are happier for it.

I read the news and what is going on in the world each morning and throughout the day.  I am always up to date with what is the current big trend.  Things that make me angry when I hear them, things that make me worry, topics that suddenly everyone has to come out and state where they stand.  Which as said above, can now get you arrested.

Although better informed, I am not happier for having all this knowledge.  Having many opinions and beliefs and arguing/justifying them online has not made me a happier person.  I was happier and freer when I did not engage at all!

Is it better to be in the dark after all?  Or, do we need to better police ourselves at how many times we engage, how many times a day we look at the news, Twitter, etc and when we access these services.  Not first thing in the morning for example.

In the end, I will always want to be informed, I will always engage and I will always say what I think.  So what I need to do, and I suspect many others do too, is to reassess my engagement so that it does not detrimentally affect my life and mental health.

Balance, as well, is the key.

Thought of the Day

Thought of the Day.

You never realise just how much of your heart you give away, until you get it back.  In my case, I didn’t even realise it was missing, I just thought it was smaller than it used to be.

Now much time has passed, the heart is back in place, pieced back together and the bruises healed; I’d like to say that I will be more careful next time, be more careful of whom I give my heart too.  It is a precious thing after all.

The truth is though; I have always given my whole heart.  It is the kind of person I have always been and despite the hurt that sometimes comes with that, one day I will meet the person that deserves to receive it.

On a random note, I now can’t stop thinking about the Ood from Doctor Who.  They hold their hearts in their hands too.

 

Writing Free

When I write these days it is usually for a specific post for the blog be it clothing related, a blogger challenge or an opinion piece.  What I can't remember is when I just wrote for the sake of it.

If you love to write then you know what I am talking about.  You just ramble away on a piece of paper or in this case on my laptop; not sure what you are writing but somehow it just flows out of you and eventually, starts to tie itself together and make sense.

I used to write like that quite a lot and a few pieces made it on to the blog.  I found it incredibly cathartic to use something that was rattling around in my head by putting it down on paper, seeing where my thoughts take me, never stopping typing, just letting it flow.

More than once I would stop typing, read back what I had written, and realised what I truly felt about something.  What Stephen King said is so completely true, I write to find out what I think.

Free Writing I think they call it.  It is something I would definitely recommend, whether you are just trying to find out what your opinion is on a particular subject, or you are dealing with an issue that you have been ignoring.

I call it my free counselling as whatever I am thinking about a lot, I write about it in one form or another and I am able to resolve the problem. 

There is no point in this post today, so sorry if you were expecting one ;) I just wanted to do a little of what I used to.  Ramble on, on this occasion it seems about how much I am missing writing, even though I am writing all the time.  Odd.  But then, I am.  That's me.

Maybe I need another blog in addition to this one.  Ramblings of a Crazy Lady or something.

Anyway. As you were.