A Time to Study

One of the many changes I have been making in my life of late has been a decision to start a degree.

I work full time and don't have the financial ability to quit and become a full time student.  This is one of the main reasons why I haven't thought about doing a degree before.  Someone suggested doing an Open University degree to me which could be done on a part time basis.

To be honest, before I actually looked into it, I knew next to nothing about the OU, other than hearing people's opinions on doing degrees by correspondence and over the net.  These comments have always been either quips of "It's the easy option", or have been an insistance that "it can't be a proper degree".

Always being one to find these things out for myself, I investigated.  One of my better decisions as I am now enrolled in my first year of a BSC Honours Degree in Criminology & Psychology.

The options of how to study suits me down to ground.  I chose to study at the minimum rate, for this year at least, of 25% of the amount of time spent by a full time student.  My first module is a 30 point course in an Introduction to Social Sciences, DD131.  This equates to studying 10 hours per week.

For me, considering I work full time and haven't studied anything in the past 17 years, seemed the most sensible option.

At the end of this road, which will be long and winding with many trials and tribulations I am sure, I will come out with an Honours Degree which is exactly the same as any other degree obtained from any other university. 

I certainly wouldn't count the Open University as an easy option.  Working full time and studying at the same time isn't something you would ever choose unless you are certain it is something you really want to do.  It will be hard, but it will be worth it.

Now I just have to receive my module books and study information through the post then I can start panicking and wondering the hell I have gotten myself into!

No More Tooth Hurty at 2.30

Along with millions of other people in the world, I am terrified of the dentist.  Whilst I am normally ok in most situations and can control nerves, with a dentist appointment, I feel like I am going into the lion's den.

 

Consequently this fear of the dentists lead to a ten year span of not attending.  Although I have never needed anything more than  a scrape and polish, after a bloody and painful session (together with numerous horror stories from other people having more serious procedures) this was enough for me to avoid attendance.  Over the years the fear grew, unnoticed and unchecked.

 

Two months ago however my hand was forced.  I managed to knock a tooth loose and was left with no other option but to go to the emergency dentist and ended up having to have the tooth out.  I have had two appointments since then, getting my teeth back in order and after this third appointment, a realisation had hit me.

 

Dentists aren't evil.  They aren't like they used to be.  You can have local anaesthetic.  It doesn't have to hurt.  If you are reading this and are scared of dentists, re read that line.  Because it's true.  There doesn't have to be any pain anymore.  You just need to find "your" dentist.

The dentist I had years ago was very much of the old school who focused less no making sure you weren't in pain and more on playing God with a drill in his hand. 

The lovely lady I have now explains everything that needs to be done in advance and makes sure I am calm before even going near my mouth.  I have treatments coming up soon and I already know I can have local anaesthetic if I want it and I only have to raise a hand to make anything stop.

Considering, at the moment, that I have never had anything major done to my teeth you may be laughing at me now saying "Just you wait!".  If that is true, leave me in my wonderful new dream, I beg you.

I don't want to go back to being in tears in the dentists waiting room.  So have a heart, if I'm wrong, don't tell me.

 

 

Digging My Heels In

I always thought that the hardest time when quitting smoking would be within the first month.  In one way, that is true.  The cravings are at their worst and the lure to return back to smoking is still high.

After the first month, along with reaping the physical benefits, in my case returning to being a human being in the morning instead of a scary, groggy monster, there are also the financial benefits.  Let's face it, although when I did actually smoke you couldn't have dragged it out of me on pain of death, I was spending close to £180.00 per month on cigarettes.

Looking back now, I haven't one clue as to how I afforded that.  Well, in truth, I didn't, I just cut back on every other aspect of my life so that it was affordable.  Once the first month is over with, you get to enjoy the next few months with a lot of extra cash, and feeling better day by day.

Today though, well at weekend to be exact, it was brought home to me that although at four months, I am doing well in the fight against cigarettes, the battle has been won but not yet the war.

Over the past 4 months I have had two puffs of a cigarette, on different occasions.  Both on a night out with smokers around me.  The previous two times actually increased my resolve.  I didn't enjoy the taste and they did nothing for me.  There were dangerous experiments that didn't cause any harm.

This weekend however, the dangerous experiment backfired.  I was out with the girls and on my way to the taxi rank I started talking to a smoker.  Without really even thinking about what I was doing, I asked for a puff of his cigarette.  It wasn't a craving, it wasn't an experiment to see if it still tasted bad, it was just a..... thing.

To be honest, I was fully expecting it to be like the previous two occasions.  Well I had smelt the lure of a cigarette, tried it and found it horrible to taste.  This time, it wasn't.  That one puff of a cigarette brought back every single memory of how much I had loved smoking.  It tasted so good, I didn't feel dizzy, it felt right.  Oh crap.

The next morning, I had a lucky escape.  There were no cravings, and no temptation to wander off to the shops for a packet of cigarettes.  I had a feeling of guilt but nothing more.  It could have been so much worse.  I could have knocked myself back to the beginning.

That's when I realised, the moment that you think that you are safe, that you don't need to keep your guard up, that is one of the most vulnerable times.  I probably would have known this if I had gone down the route of smoking cessation classes and all the information that is readily out there.  It is just common sense really.

Me being me though, I like doing what you shouldn't.  99% of people will tell you that having a puff of a cigarette when you are trying to quit is a really stupid idea.  It is.  I have learnt that now.  I am not over my addiction.  Although I am no longer in the grasps of complete addiction of cigarettes, I could, if I don't keep my guard up, accidentally become a smoker again without much of an effort.

The puff of a cigarette on a night out would turn into "Oh go on then, I'll just have one".  This would move to smoking "socially" and then suddenly, I would be a smoker again.

So, resolve back in place, stupidity back in check (for smoking at least haha).  I'm back on track.  

Me if I am not careful!!