First Day Jitters

Last night I started my university degree.  It was a very strange feeling to be honest.

I had all the nerves and jitters of someone walking into a university classroom for the first time, except the classroom was my sofa and a coffee table and I was the only student.

I spent the first hour browsing through all the material I had received and familiarising myself with what would be expected.  A study plan was drawn up and I was as organised as I could be.  But then, you open the learning companion……

I don’t care who you are, if you have been out of education for a long time, opening up any text book is a daunting experience.  My heart was pounding for at least the first half an hour and I was convincing myself that this was all a horrible mistake, that there was no way I could do this.

The good thing about an Open University course though is that everything is planned out for you.  What to study, how many recommended hours, what you should be doing each week, advice, it’s all there.

I re-read through all the introductory information to calm myself down and then when going back to the text, I realised that it wasn’t as complicated as first thought, the questions weren’t unanswerable and it was simply me working myself up into a lather. 

After going through the notes I had taken and then typing them up (my handwriting isn’t the best) I realised that once I had calmed down and looked at the text again, my thoughts and ideas were following much more freely.

I have started my course two weeks early as I wanted to give myself some breathing space and also allow for a contingency in case of illness etc. 

I wanted to do this post for anyone who hasn’t yet had the “first day nerves” and tell you that yes, you will be nervous, yes you may panic a little a first (if you are like me) but keep calm, BREATH, re-read and take your time.

We are starting on an exciting journey, let’s not forget that.  It is a day to be marked and remembered, the day your life began to change.

Tech Advice Required!

Hindsight is a wonderful thing.  In this particular case, technology related.

My previous laptop was unfortunately hit by a virus that managed to get through anti virus, security, virus software, everything.  Said laptop being in the technological equivalent of being in a coma, I was left without technology.

One can not simply go without technology for more than one week without going completely insane.  It is folly.

The problem was that at the time, and now if it comes down to it, I was short on cash.  I needed a replacement, sooner rather than later and I couldn't pay too much for it.  My choice in the end was a Samsung N145 Plus Netbook.

The netbook has served me well and is fine for what I need it for.  Browsing the internet, social networking, blogging and research all work well with a netbook.  Herein though lies the problem.  

A few months ago I decided to start a degree.  Whilst my netbook is fine for browsing and playing around, I doubt that it has the capacity to complete with a fully functioning laptop.  The smallest of the problems being the lack of size in the screen and keyboard.

The only solutions I have come up with thus far, being unable to fund a new laptop, are buying an external hard drive to extend the space and getting an external keyboard to help with the typing.  Hindsight is a wonderful thing but for now, I guess I have to work with what I have.

If anyone who happens to read this post has any ideas into how I can increase the capacity of my netbook, or indeed has a magic spell to increase the size of the screen, I'm all ears.  In the meantime, entering every laptop competition I can find!!

Just the Way You Are

This is another in a series of "transformation" blogs I have been doing lately.  Sorry if it's getting boring for anyone who reads this, but I feel it important to write down and record my progress.

Looking back to where you have come from to where you are now is important I feel.  Not to look back and dwell on what was, but instead, realise how far along the journey you are now.

I was watching a vlog the other day done by the incomparable Betty Bee and she said something that really struck me and made me realise that although I have come a long way, part of my thinking is not as it should be.

On each step of the journey I have been on this year, from stopping smoking to starting a degree, from gaining confidence to banishing my all black wardrobe and introducing colour, the same thought has always been in the back of my head.

When I accomplish "this" I'll feel better about myself, when I do "that" I'll be happier.  What Betty Bee said was that you should like yourself the way you are right now, not when you have done this, this and changed this, but now.

What I realised after watching the vlog was that at the back of my mind, the thought has been that once I accomplish all my goals, once my head is straight, when I look a certain way, I will be "ready for the world", I'll be good enough.  

Looking back at one of my earlier posts, said that I was so close to the person I wanted to be that I could smell it.  Whilst that is true, I now realise that I have to be happy with the person I am now too.  You can't live your life waiting to be perfect.  Nothing is perfect.  Perfection doesn't exist.

Betty said that you should focus on the parts of yourself that you like and be happy with them, instead of focusing on the parts that you don't.

I'm applying a new mantra to live by: