The First Time

Having recently, finally, come out of my all black wardrobe to embrace colour, fashion and life; I realised to needed to take a moment and look through all my clothes, see what needed to stay and what to go.  Let's face it, even if you adore colour, you will always still have time for a little black dress in your closet.

My local Barnardos has done very well out of me in the past few weeks whilst I have been clearing out the excess black and bringing the colour in.  

One place where I didn't need to have a clear out was in my shoe collection.  I may not have worn colour on my body, but I damn sure wore it on my feet.  So my first outfit of the day is a homage to the old me, with my favourite red shoes which I used to justify my outfits with "Look, see, I'm wearing colour, on my feet!"

This particular outfit was intended for this blog a couple of months ago, but after taking the photos it took me until now so work up the courage.  So I look a lot more summery than the current weather would allow!

This is my "What the hell am I doing" face.

My favourite red shoes, every girl needs a pair

Can you tell I'm not used to taking photos of myself?

This outfit was planned for a lunch out with the girls.  The top, my first non black and patterned purchase is from last season's Next summer collection.  The dark blue jeans are from Very and the shoes are from Primark. 

Clearly I don't know what I'm doing yet when it comes to taking photographs of myself and the clothes I'm wearing but hey, everyone has to start somewhere!

The main purpose of this post was to get the first one done, out of the way.  I don't care what anyone says, the first time of doing anything isn't good. 

So there you go.  My first #ootd post.  Photos in the wrong order, me having a slight panic attack mid way through writing the post, but frankly, I'm just glad it's here.  

From here, the only way is up!

Hello

This is the blog that I have been promising myself I would do, but up to today, have been too scared to set up.

That's me, my face in the corner of my blog.  That is usually all I will show, be it on Twitter, Facebook, my other blog, that's all you usually get.  Because I'm plus size.  To be exact, I'm a size 22 gal.  

I've been overweight my entire life.  Well, as far as I can remember anyway.  Definately all through primary school.  I eat like a regular person and I look like this.  Go figure.  

I've gone through my entire life being scared of what people thought of what I looked like and have hidden away.  Due to my lack of confidence (I hope that's why), I've been single for 15 years.  

There.  That's honesty for you.  I promised myself I would be.

But I've have a revolution in my head, I'm not sure what started it.  I like to think that it was some bad ass inside me shouting "Enough of this shit!".  

Black is not a rule.  I'm a happy girl, I love colour, I will wear it!  I've been reading some of the plus size blogs, namely Mrs Bebe , Betty Bee to name a couple and I have started to realise that yes, I'm plus size but that doesn't make me a outcast of society.

I can love and wear fashion, I can look nice in it, I AM NOT GROTESQUE.  Confidence isn't just for skinny people.  I see plus size gals with boyfriends, husbands etc.  If they can have it, surely I can too.  I refuse to be the girl that is liked in private but denied in public.  I deserve better.

So here I am.  My first step.  below picture is probably quite accurate, but I'm aiming to change the "fuck off" to a "hello".  

First Essay - Done!

I've now completed my first six weeks in my Open University degree and have submitted my first essay.

I think that one of the biggest struggles I have had is getting to terms with studying again, not because I haven't enjoyed it, but finding the most productive time to do it.  Typically I am a night person and so I thought that this would be the ideal time to do my work.  Turns out, not.

 

After a long day at work, the thought of opening my books and doing some study for a couple of hours was a complete turn off.  Although I wanted to get the work done, the motivation wasn't there.  I therefore tried different times to work and utilised the alternative formats available for the study materials, downloading audio to my phone and printing pages out from PDF.

 

For me, working in smaller segments seems to be the key.  I get 30 minutes reading/listening to audio done on the bus each day, I use another 30 minutes during my lunch hour at work and during all these segments of time I feel motivated and get a lot done.

 

When at home, again I tend to work in short bursts now, but over the course of the week I am still able to fit all my studying in, work at my full time time, and still have a social life.  I am massively glad that I chose to work at the 25% rate, 50% (or 25 hours per week) would have been far too much.  I need a balance in my life and all work and no play makes Vicky a sad girl!

 

Last night, after many tweaks, re-writes and worries, I submitted first essay to be marked.  For this first one to be honest I am just grateful to have completed it and as long as I pass, I don't care what the mark is.

 

Well, when I say that, of course I care, but what I mean is that I don't have any expectations.   I do admit though, there is a fair amount of crossing my fingers going on!