What's in a Name?

Back in July 2012 I wrote a post entitled What's in a Name?

After much thinking and consideration I had decided to revert back to my original surname, before it was changed to be the same as my step-fathers.  I never regretted the change and only wanted to change back because I was searching, I'm not sure what for, for me I think.

 

I received various opinions on my decision to change, all unwanted to be honest as it was my decision, not anyone else's.  While some supported me, others disagreed with my choice.  I let them sit in their judgement then, I wouldn't today.  Unless I am doing something illegal, I won't be judged by anyone.

 

So much has happened in my life since I wrote that post.  I feel like a completely different person.  I am secure in myself, I know who and what I am.  I'm confident.  I'm not longer drifting.

 

Someone asked me today if I I still wanted to change my name.  I had changed it on the social networks and my email etc but so far had done nothing official as I was wanting for my student finance to be sorted out.  My answer though was yes, I really wish I still had my old last name, but the reasons I had for changing, didn't seem so important anymore.

 

I wanted to be my old last name again but in truth, back then I needed an anchor.  Something to latch on to saying "This is who I am".  I needed identity.   Eight months later, a whole world of change in me and I realise, it isn't my name that matters.  The identity inside is the one that matters.  I am who I am, regardless of what my last name is.

 

In my head, I will always be my father's daughter, I will always think of myself with his surname.  Do I need a physical proof of that anymore?  No, I don't think I do. 

 

The only change I will be keeping is my Twitter user name.  In a weird way, joining Twitter was the catalyst for all the changes I have made since and I have never been more myself than when I am speaking on Twitter.  So Vicky_Coop I shall remain.

 

 

 

 

Dressing Up

As we slowly crawl out of the winter, it is time to start looking at some pretty dresses (one of many excuses I use to look at dresses).

I have seen SimplyBe mentioned a lot in plus size blogs recently so I thought that I would use the site for my first foray into dresses for the spring and summer.  I have shopped there in the past but it has been quite a while now so I was excited to see what they had to offer.

Here are my favourites!

Glamorosa Tunic Voluptuous EE-G
£36.00

I love this dress.  It is something that I could use both at work and also at the weekend which is an added bonus.  I love the print detail and the fact that the dress actually goes in at the waist, whilst still catering for a larger cup size.

It can be found here

This is on my wish list!

Red Print Skater Dress
£34.00

I have an ongoing love affair with red.  I love this dress because of the added bonus of a pattern, as well as the tie detail at the back to give you more shape.

It can be found here

Bespoke Penelope Poppy Dress
£60.00

I actually have no idea whether this dress would suit my shape, but I have fallen completely in love with the poppy pattern.  It is bright, colourful and perfect for summer with a 50's twist.

It can be found (maybe in my wardrobe soon but also) here

AX Paris Sleeveless Floral Dress
£35.00

Being sleeveless, patterned with a floral print and floaty, this dress is right out of my comfort zone which makes me itch to try it out.  I have heard good things about AX Paris dresses although am yet to buy one myself.

It can be found here

AX Paris Heart Print Cross Over Dress
£35.oo

This dress got a Carrie esq "Helllo lover" out of me when I saw it.  I absolutely adore the dress.  I like that the heart print gives it a feminine touch but the dress has clean cut lines and adaptable to being dressed up or down.

What's not to love.

It can be found here








So that rounds up my favourite dresses I have seen on SimplyBe.  I have to say that I was more than pleasantly surprised with the range, colours and style available for the plus size gal.  I think more than one of these dresses will be making their way into my wardrobe.

Do you have any favourites?

Milestones

There is saying that you have confidence, and actually putting it into action.  This weekend has turned out to a milestone in confidence.

 

On Saturday night I was helping my mum out with a party.  She had decided to have a 60’s themed quiz as part of the evening and wanted me to be her “quiz master”.  Anyone who knows me would know that ordinarily, this would be the last thing in the world I would agree to.  Speaking to a room full of strangers, 12 people all looking at me, no way, no how.

 

After a little coercion however I agreed.  But then a strange thing happened.  Instead of the usual shy, embarassed, avoiding eye contact & get this over as quickly as possible girl, another girl appeared. 

 

I had just finished reading out the fifth question when suddenly I realised that I sounded different.  My voice was at normal tone, I was looking people in the eye and engaging, even joking with the people in the room.  People I had never met before.  This was a first.  A milestone reached.  An ability to be in a room full of people, and just be myself.

 

The next night I was talking to a friend on Twitter and I said something to her which again just flowed straight out of me, which I never would have thought, never mind said before:

 

"I've spent 33 years thinking 'I'll be happier when I'm thinner'. Now I worry first if I'm happy, which is healthier."

I reread that tweet this morning on the bus to work and I'll admit,  as daft as it may sound, my eyes filled up.  Because I'm happy.  Because I felt confident enough to say it to someone else.  Because it wasn't about the way I look, it was the way I felt. 

I'm not saying that suddenly all of my confidence issues are cured, tomorrow I may be back to being Holly Golightly but it's some damn good progress ;)

Have you have a confidence milestone?