Making Choices

Life is always about choices.  The ones you make, the ones you allow yourself to make and also the ones that you convince yourself that you can't.

You can only be restricted in your choices if you allow in other factors.  Such as what other people think.  If you allow other people's influences and judgement into your choices, then it becomes more about what they want and think than you.

When I started a degree through the Open University last year, it was a snap decision.  I was still trying to figure things out within myself and I thought doing a degree might be interesting to do.  What I didn't think about was how much of a commitment I was making and the reasons behind it.  

I chose to work at a 25% rate given that I work full time and still wanted a life and other interests.  Adding that up to the honours degree I had chosen equated to the next fourteen years of my life.  Going into it I couldn't say if I wanted a change of career at the end of it.  I basically drifted into it.

This week, after being on the course six months, I sat myself down and asked myself some questions.  Questions that had been in my head for weeks, but I'd ignored.  Why had I ignored them?  Because I didn't want to be called a quitter.

Are you ready to commit yourself for 14 years on this?

No

Do you actually plan to change career?

Honestly, no.  I'm not career driven, never have been.  I chose it for interest.

Is there anything you want more than this?

Yes.  I want to give the blog more of a go.  I want to try and expand on the writing side, and not just on the blog.  I may not be any form of Shakespeare, but I truly love it and it makes me happy.

I asked myself those questions and there was my answer.  I've withdrawn from the degree.

Will some call me a quitter?  Probably.  Was it too hard?  No.  I was maintaining a First after all.  Will I regret my decision. No,  I don't think I will.  I would have regretted more if I was still having the same thoughts two years later and still hadn't done anything about it.

Some people are about education, some about fun, some are about their careers, some are about the life outside of what.  Further education isn't for me.  I've made my choice.

Ranting Makes the Smile Get Bigger

There a lot of things that I like to support.  Movember is a great idea.  Mother’s Day I like, International Men/Women’s Day, why not?  What does irritate me are the “motivational days”.
 

No Smoking Day for example irritates me so much that it actually made me want to start smoking again.  If showing smokers diseased lungs doesn’t make them want to stop the other 364 days of the year, a motivation “Let’s Stop Smoking” day is going to do sweet F A. 

 Smokers are well aware of what smoking can do, all the well intended motivational speeches do is actually serve to make us want to smoke more.  Smokers quit when they are ready, and when they want to.  So back off smoking police.

 

See, I wrote “us” there classifying myself as a smoker.  I’ve actually given up, but when I wanted to, and I made damn sure it was a New Year’s resolution or because someone said I should.

 

Today is International Happiness Day.  Well, that just makes me grumpy as hell.  Enforced happiness.  No thanks.

 

 Happiness Day  makes me think of when I have had dark days previously, or just a generally crappy day.  You either get “Cheer up, it might never happen” which usually gets a glare from me.  How do they know that it hasn’t happened, and what is “it”?  

 

Then, sometimes, when a dark day strikes you get people saying “ Just look at all the good things in your life, you should be happy”.  Well fuck off Mrs Sunshine, I am having a dark day, I can’t help it, now back off.

 

How about “Make someone smile” day.  That’s manageable, that’s easy.  I did that this morning (just in case you were thinking I’d turned into evil incarnate reading this blog post).  I gave up my seat on the bus for an old lady and made her smile.  Job done. 

I think a new day should be created for “Have a Rant, Feel Better” day because you know what, I feel so much better now!

 

My (ok somewhat screwed up) rule of life:   Never trust a person who is happy first thing in the morning.  They are surely evil.  Trust the person who rants. The person who has evil in their eyes before they get to coffee. You know what you are getting with us.

Why do you Blog?

"Why do you blog?" is a question that all bloggers face regularly.  

Many people who have never seen nor read a blog before cannot understand the need or want for people to put their thoughts, their images and their opinions on an open forum, for anyone to read.  The whole idea is foreign to them.  

I started my blog a couple of years ago.  It was borne out of a curiosity, a want to write somewhere but not in a diary, something in which I could be the real me, say what I wanted and voice any opinions I had.  Alongside personal posts I have written about everything from the death penalty to reintroduction of animal species.  

Over the past few years my blog has evolved along with me.  Although I still write about my thoughts and opinions of the day, a lot of the posts have started to flow along the same course as I began to find my self confidence and a happiness within myself.

Through reading other plus size fashion blogs and writing about my own journey coming out of a closet full of black, I have found a real love of fashion.  I love doing the outfits of the day posts; which terrified me previously.  I actively check out the new trends for each season and encompass the ideas into my own wardrobe.  

I don't write to a schedule nor do I worry if I haven't written anything for a while.  I write this blog because I love it, it isn't a duty or obligation.  I love to write and this scratches that itch for me.  If no one were to ever read the blog again I wouldn't mind.  I've poured a little part of myself into it and in return, it's given me a lot of happiness.

I have heard, as no doubt many have, of other's people's opinions on blogging, and bloggers.  We are losers, we are sad lonely people attached to our keyboards, we are idiots and dime a dozen.  Personally my blogging experience has been lovely people, shared interests and lots of fun, but then, people do love to hate what they don't know.

Blogging can be anything you want it to be, be it on a professional basis or just a hobby that you enjoy.  Everyone's blogging story is different.  

What's your story?