Dear Future Me, Don't be an Idiot

Apologies first of all.  This post isn’t so much a blog post, but more a reminder to my future self.

Sometimes you just have to write things down to remind yourself.  I’m not talking about a “must remember to buy carrots” reminder here, I’m talking about having an experience, or a realisation and writing it down so that your future self doesn’t make the same judgement call/assumption again.

The lesson I have to remember today is not to self sabotage.  Not to presume that something happened for a reason that you can’t possibly know.

So this is my note to the future me.

Dear Future Me,

Stop being such a bloody idiot. 

If a guy finds you attractive, if a guy calls you beautiful and you believe him (something I never ever do usually), then the reason why he broke things off is therefore NOT for the way you look. 

Also, trying to be someone you aren’t just to stay in a relationship you already know isn’t going to work is also stupid.  Trying to be someone else full stop is stupid.  Insecurity isn't attractive.

Be yourself.  Always be yourself.  It will probably turn out that the person you actually are is what they actually saw in you in the first place.

Yours,

The idiotic person who is still trying to work things out.

Staircase to Hell

I recently wrote a post entitled Getting to Know You in order to share a few things about myself with you.  One of points I shared related to my fear of stairs.

I have never met anyone who shares the same fear of stairs as I do although I know that they are out there.  What I think that I have is climacophobia:

“Climacophobia – fear of stairs – fear of climbing stairs or falling down stairs”

Open stairs are a complete no go.  Unless I am forced to go up them or have no other choice to get to where I need to be, I am not going up them.  Thankfully this isn’t a day to day issue.  The daily issues I have relate to going up and down stairs.

When ascending stairs I have to hold on to the handrail, usually for dear life, and my foot must be touching the front of the next step in front of me.   The higher I get, the more panic I feel, I start to feel dizzy and by the time I reach the top I am convinced I am going to fall. 

When descending stairs again I am holding on to the handrail and I am very very careful when coming down.  If the staircase is tall enough I sometimes have to come down step by step by step, which unfortunately is the case with the staircase at my office.  I am convinced that I am going to miss a step and if I let go of the handrail I immediately go very dizzy.

Unlike the fear of spiders or claustrophobia, this a phobia that I have to deal with on a daily basis and something that I am more than used to being made fun of for.  I constantly let people go in front of me as I can’t stand anyone being behind me on the stairs, especially as they usually make fun or try to hurry me along which sends me into near hysteria.

The fact that I live in a bungalow has been brought up on many an occasion as to the reason why I feel like this, but I am up and down two very large flights of stairs at work five days a week so I can’t see that as being the reason why.  I’ve never fallen down stairs either.

I’d really be interested to know if there is anyone else out there who has the same symptoms as I do, and would ask, how do you deal with it and have you have any help?

I called these the "Stairs of Doom" in Amsterdam

Having to set off a full five minutes before anyone else to get down stairs is irritating

52 Lists - Week 3

This is a series of weekly posts. The idea does not belong to me and I have borrowed from Moorea Seal I have also seen that @boo_brown is also doing these lists and her blog inspires me too.

The idea is to post a different list each week to share with your readers and each other.

 

Week Three - List Things that you should be proud of

Being of quite a self deprecating nature, I have always found it hard to say things I am proud of, but I am trying to break that habit and this list is a good place to start!

So here we go, the things I should be, and are, proud of.

• I'm proud that a year ago I finally forced myself to look at my life and how to improve it.

I held myself back so much over the years, unable and unwilling to move forward confidently instead of hiding in the shadows.  Coming out from behind the shadows is probably the greatest thing I've ever done.

• I'm proud of my new levels in confidence, both in myself as a person and also body confidence.

I'm not going to deny that it has been a hard journey to get to this stage, but I felt improvement with every small step I took, from the first patterned brightly coloured dress I bought, to actually wearing it in public and feeling confident and secure.

• I'm proud of my blog.

Writing on the blog, posting pictures and as a consequence of that meeting and talking to other bloggers have been a brilliant thing in my life and I look forward to carrying on with it.

• I'm proud of how my wardrobe looks these things.  

Just opening it up and looking makes me very very happy.

What are you proud of?