I think that today is going to be
a sorting my head out post. I haven’t
done one of these for a while but I find that for me, it is the best way of
channelling my thoughts and problems into some sort of order.
Some people write diaries, some
people talk to a counsellor, some people (like I used) bottle it up; this is
the way that works best for me. So here
goes.
My head is currently mush. Literally, if you looked inside my skull you
would see something resembling apple sauce because there has been that much in
there lately that I think my brain might have exploded under the pressure.
I have learnt by past experience
that I cannot just file away things without dealing with them; I am and have to
be more careful with myself these days.
It is all about sorting through and dealing with things one by one
rather than shoving everything in a box and ignoring.
One of my good traits is that I
am organised. When everything is in its
place and I know what is happening around me, the world becomes a better
place. That is what I need to do. Organise my thoughts.
When you have a better
understanding of your tolerance limits, when you know what takes you down a
dark road and you recognise when you have a little more on than you can handle;
you also know that it is better to deal with rather than avoid.
Today for example. I was sat at work this morning and the
thoughts in my head were whirling around like a cyclone. I got myself into such
a state that I was practically in tears.
That is why I am writing this now, I put myself under a mental stop sign
to take a minute and breathe.
In reality, I can cope
with everything that is happening in my life at the moment. I just need to acknowledge it all.
I am worried about illness in a
family member, but I can’t change outcomes, only support. I am supporting another with their worries,
but have to remember to also support myself.
My confidence has taken a nose dive, but it will be back. My sense of life direction is spinning, but
it will refocus. My work life is changing and I’m not sure on
the direction, but I will be. There is a
tiny knife in my back that I didn’t realise was there, but now I see it, I can
steel myself to it.
I feel better for writing
this. It doesn’t change anything but it
helps just to refocus. People ask why
you would hit “publish” on a personal post, but I find that by posting it, it
helps to keep me on an even keel.
Fashion, rants and daily thoughts
will resume tomorrow!
