Breaking All the Rules

Are you tired of being told that you and your life doesn’t fit the mould that society expects?  I know that I am.  Being expected to look a certain way, act a certain way; have all the same views as others; to “fit in”.   I have HAD IT. 

It is a pack mentality; the trouble being that the pack is far too large with too many commentators.  Any individuality you possess can be crushed under the weight of it.  The mob (aka Daily Mail readers and their ilk) will criticise you for any breaks of the rules that they perceive to be set in stone.

So what rules of society do I break? 

• I am still single in my thirties.
• I don’t have children (nor do I want them)
• I am fat and happy. 
• I don’t dress the way that many deem that I should.
• I am not afraid to say what I think when I am passionate about something.
• I have no inclination to “fit it” for the sake of it.  

 What society would tell me that I am, gleaned from this list is that: 

• I am left on the shelf
• I’m lying to myself about not wanting children but everyone does
• I am fat and thereby it is inconceivable that I could be happy
• I am wearing clothes they don’t want to see me in
• I am too outspoken.

I don’t care. 

Life is about choice, not conformity and the fact that I don’t fit into society’s little “how to be” box no longer bothers me. 

My ducks will never be all lined neatly in a row.  I don’t even have any damn ducks; although I do aim to dress like a peacock.  My path in life is not straight and clear; it is winding with complicated intersections and although I have fallen off it at times; it has always been there to take me in another direction.

One day I would like to meet someone to share the rest of my days with, to get married and be happy.  That day will either come or it won’t, but I won’t think that my life is ruined if it doesn’t happen.   I am not “left on the shelf” because I was never for sale.

Today is the day that I choose to stop listening to society.  I will no longer read the Daily Fail which is full of nothing but hatred, body snarking and vile views.  I will no longer judge myself as society says that I should, just because I am single.  I will no longer let others views affect how I lead my life nor have an impact on how happy I am.

I will skip down the path that is growing day by day under my feet.  I have no idea where it leads but one thing I do know is that I am going to make damn sure that the journey is fun. 

New Outfit of the Day

I haven't been able to do many outfit posts lately but I wanted to share with you what I am wearing today for work.

I love outfits that you can just throw on and feel comfortable it.  I particularly love my necklace today although I confess that it is a bit on the heavy side!

The attempt to look sultry but ending up Monday morning grumpy look

 
The dress is from +Very.co.uk for the bargain price of £25.00, the cardigan and sandals are from +Simply Be and the necklace I found in a charity shop.

What Feminism Means to Me

I heard about “Women Against Feminism” on Tumblr. 

Brushing aside some of the sillier posts such as “I don’t need feminism because my boyfriend treats me right” I wanted to go through some of the comments I had seen (the below are not all verbatim but are collated via many posts) 

• You live in a first world country, you’re employed and you have a good judicial system. You don’t need feminism.  Feminism has done its job for you”. 
• Rape culture does not exist.
• Women are not victims and we don’t need protecting.
• Being a stay at home wife is my choice

As to the first point, it is mostly addressed in the replies to the other comments but I can honestly not understand anyone who says that feminism is no longer needed or relevant. 

 Rape Culture

So what is rape culture?  Rape culture is:

• Thinking that it is funny to wear a t-shirt saying “I’m feeling rapey today”.   
• Blaming a woman’s clothing/amount she had to drink on the fact that she was raped.  I’ve actually heard it compared to “don’t put expensive items in your window if you don’t want to get burgled”.
• Teaching women how to not get raped, instead of teaching men not to rape.
• When girls are raped and then photographed and harassed online. 
• Judges telling a convicted rapist “You are not a classic rapist, you simply couldn’t resist” and overturning rape convictions because “she didn’t act like a victim”.

 The important thing to remember about rape culture is that it is both sexes that perpetuate it.  I have seen both men and women doing and saying things on the above list.   

Women are not victims and we don’t need protecting. 

You are right, we aren’t and we don’t, but what we do deserve is basic respect.  Sexual harassment, catcalling and grabbing at you is still very much in play in society.   

My own personal experience is of (countless) excuses over the years that it is ok to grab my breasts because “they are so big”.  The last time this happened (two days ago) the man in question when I confronted him with anger told me that I was overreacting and that I should “cover them up more”.   

We still live in a society where it is socially acceptable to treat a woman in this way.   Again though, I have also had experience of a woman telling me “Well he must fancy you if he grabbed you”.  Oh well that makes it alright then.  No. 

Being a stay at home wife is my choice

Well of course it is and don’t let anyone tell you differently.  Feminism is about having the right to choose what you want to do.   

So why am I a feminist?  Because I believe in breaking free of the restrictions that society imposes on me and creating my own.   I believe that basic respect should be afforded to both men and women.  I want the same opportunities, pay and treatment as everyone else.  I want to be able to make choices without being judged on what sex I am. 

Being a feminist for me doesn’t mean that I want preferential treatment.  It doesn’t mean that I hate men or disregard their rights.  I just want to be treated equally.

If only society with its antiquated views and perceptions moved as quickly as technology did, we would be a very evolved society indeed.