When life gets busy or times get
stressful, taking care of yourself can often be at the bottom of your
list, if indeed you even make the list. You feed and water yourself
and live your life on basic instinct, but often do you feel stop and
take a minute to assess how you are feeling?
Neglecting yourself emotionally
can be just as damaging as anything that you can do to your body
physically. If you already have existing issues such as anxiety or
depression, it can be a dangerously slippery slope if you do not look
ahead. You can
find a psychologist online.
This is
something that I have realised recently. These past six months have
been rough; but my mental health is not something that has been on my
radar. Actually when I say that, I am lying. It has been on my
radar, sometimes with a very large red flashing warn sign, but I have
ignored it; choosing to focus on bigger issues.
Sweeping aside these feelings
has not really worked out for me so well.
I like stability. If I can make
a plan, I am happy. Whilst I have a habit of making snap decisions
sometimes, you had better bet that the outcomes are planned to the
nth degree. I have my coping mechanisms for my anxiety and I know
how to hunker down during a dark day. Unplanned issues and long term
uncertainty do not fit well with who I am.
These are core aspects of my
personality, hardwired in and hard to change. When things out of my
control mess with my hardwiring, I am sent into a tailspin.
My unconscious way of dealing
with that was to withdraw inward. I stopped calling my friends to
catch up, I rarely went out on a weekend and my ability to say yes to
invitations was practically non-existent. My blog also suffered, my
motivation and inspiration were just not there anymore. Aside from
going to work, I just wanted to be in my house and not go anywhere.
Can you see where this is going
yet? Because I didn't.
Over the Christmas break, I had
managed to book holidays from work meaning that I had around 11 days
off. Nearing the end of my time off, during which I had only been
out of the house once, I had event planned. Nothing major, just
drinks and a catch up with friends at someone's house.
The day of the party arrived and
suddenly, unexpectedly; I was terrified. It was not that I did not
want to go, I was really looking forward to it in fact, but I
did not want to leave the house. My safe space. My head was
spinning, thinking of excuses that I could use not to go. My anxiety
levels were spiking and I felt like I was in sheer panic.
It was at that point that the
lightbulb went off in my head and I realised that my self
preservation mode had lead me to a very dark place. A place where
going outside even seemed like a bad thing.
I forced myself to go that night
from sheer will, a will that has gotten me through many things over
the years. I have started to say yes more and am no longer scared to
leave the house; a feeling that I did not even know was there, until
it reared its ugly head.
Today I am happy. My life is
returning to more of an even keel and I am planning outings and
events as much as I can. It is my birthday this weekend and have two
fun nights out planned. I am back to my old self.
It is a while since I have
shared something so deeply personal here. But I feel that it is
important to do so because it shows just how close you can come to
the edge, without ever realising that you are balancing on the edge
of a precipice, where only you can pull yourself back.
No matter what is going on in
your life, take the time to take care of yourself. Look for warning
signs and do not ignore that red flashing light on your radar. It is
important for us all to take care of the people around us, deal with
bad situations well and look for that silver lining; but just as
important is to take care of ourselves.
