Guest Post: Mansplaining

Today I have a guest post from the lovely Nicky of Happy Lippy.  I particularly like her post about that utter cockwomble Mike Pence  Today Nicky is talking about mansplaining.

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“Man Finally Put In Charge Of Struggling Feminist Movement”. Oh yeah, this is a real article headline I found. After reading the article it was clear it was meant to be satire. The thing is...would it shock you to actually see a headline like this? Probably not, it wouldn't shock me anyway.

Despite the fact that it is women who have spent years fighting for the vote, fighting for rape to be illegal even if you're married and demanded reproductive rights. According to some men, we just aren't as good at it as we like to think. When it comes to sex and gender function we are still apparently so inadequate we need a man to explain our inadequacy to us, and what we can then do to work on that.

Despite how many men have kindly reminded me not all men are this badly behaved or ignorant I've learned it really can be any man who decides to enlighten you. 

All it takes is an analytical mind that's not been hampered by the possession of a uterus to remind us how clueless we are about complex concepts. Gender fluidity and social construction of sex are too big for our smaller brains to grasp, alas all us feminists just get distracted with being overly emotional over who won "Legs-it".

Before the likes of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie and even Beyonce braved expressing opinions about how someone experiences womanhood, liberal men - convincing themselves that they are allies to both trans people and all women – have been quick to lecture us on the topic. 

Despite the many ways in which woman think feminism should be done, the ultimate goal is to create an inclusive conversation where we can get to the root of systematic behavior that suppresses the ability of women to succeed. Mansplaining is when a man speaks to a woman with the assumption that the she knows less than he does about a given topic, even when it’s painfully obvious that she knows more. Mansplaining only serves to define a certain type of arseholeishness, it undermines men's understanding of the other forms of privilege they may have.

Thinking about the anti-feminist idea that “reverse sexism” is common nowadays, I have heard men throw around the word ‘womansplain’ before and it's the point that if a man can explain something condescendingly, then a woman can as well. Which of course is true! Of course it is. 

But clutching to that argument just ignores the fact that mansplaining was invented to unmask privilege -– the kind of privilege a lot of men assume they have to assume that they are right, that women are wrong, and that it is their duty to explain something to the poor woman who just isn't getting it.

Basically that's the whole foundation for which mansplaining was made: Privilege. But by calling out men for mansplaining, feminists are bringing up a taboo word almost boardering on summoning Voldemort it's that frowned upon.

Okay I'm getting a bit on the ranty side so here is something I hope helps. Some hints and tips for when mansplaining will happen to You, because it had and it will. 

1. If it happens over the internet, you could send them a link to buy the book "Men explain things to me".

2. Explain mansplaining to them! Let's give them the benefit of the doubt for a moment...

3. Question them always.

"Oh, I thought I knew loads about biology because I have a degree in it, but clearly you know more than me. Have you got a Masters?" 

It's always fun undermining their authority.  

Thanks Nicky for a fantastic post!!

We'll Always Have Paris

My plan over the next couple of years is to move out from living with my mum.  At 76 she is very independent and does not need me to look after her.  We have got through the last couple of years after losing my step dad and I feel that now is the right time for me.

I am (finally) sorting out the mess that my finances have been for last few years and now want to spend the next couple of years saving and planning for my future place.

Thanks to my not so great credit rating, buying a property is not in my future just yet, so renting is what I need to plan for.  The trouble is, how much of your own stamp can you put on a property that is not your own?

I have written previously about wall murals which is a great way to use wall space without changing wall colours or putting too many nails into the walls.  Furniture is also a great way to put your own sense of style into a property.

This leads with what I want in my future bedroom.  I want to feel like I am living in a Paris.  I have been collecting photographs of the kind of pieces I like and the styles that appeal to me, (alongside looking looking in the large charity shops that have donated furniture).

I love this vintage inspired rug from Cox and Cox which is a great size and will cover up any ugly carpet that the landlord decides to put in.

I absolutely adore this screen divider from Manomano  I know that I definately want some sort of screen divider in my future place, be it in my bedroom or sitting room.  They can be a great way of creating different spaces within the room and I particularly love this one.   

This dressing table set from HomesDirect is definately out of my price range, but I love the style and hope to find something along the same lines.

Finally, the bed.  I really love this bed from Oaks Furniture.  It is like a sleigh bed and with a really great mattress, I can only imagine the amazing sleep I will have.

I will also be checking out the British Heart Foundation as my local store is huge and holds some great items, from genuine antiques to newer pieces.

This a long term plan and saving will take a while.  Especially as I want to be able to afford a decent place in an area where I feel safe.  Also, I don't want to rely on hand me downs (although some would be greatly appreciated!)  This will my first place alone and I really want to stamp my mark on it.

Petals On The Wind

When I was 21, I moved to Ireland.  Being 21, it was not a considered decision.  My good friend was moving home and asked if I would like to come and live in Ireland with her.  I said yes immediately.

I left my job, sold my car, packed up my belongings and without hesitation upped sticks and got on the boat to Ireland.   It was the most impulsive thing that I had ever done and the best thing I have ever done.

We stayed in Ireland six months, before deciding to move again to Jersey.  I remember at the time feeling like I was a petal on the wind, going wherever the wind decided to take me.  I did not want to put down roots anyway.  If someone had offered, they could have put me in a parcel and shipped me off to Australia and I would have agreed.

Sadly, for this petal, my journey began and ended in Ireland.  Hopping from country to country, even when you are working, involves money.  I set off for Ireland with no savings and despite getting a full time job there, I did not have the funds to go to Jersey.  My friend left, and I went back to England.

At the time I swore that I would make enough money and then join my friend in Jersey.  It did not happen.  I was offered a better job back at at my old firm and starting working my way up the ranks.  Comfortable and a regular paycheck, along with the typical many nights out of a 21 year old meant no savings.

Do I have regrets?  No.  I don't believe in regrets, it is a fool's game.  I am now in a great position at the firm I went back to, I have had some great times and I am happy.  I believe everything happens for a reason and therefore, perhaps Jersey was not meant for me.

Now though, at 38, my feet has begun to itch again.  I wrote recently about wanting to take a trip to Barcelona on my own.  I want to go, experience the city, sit by the harbour with a glass of wine and nothing else but my thoughts and do so comfortable in my own skin.

Everything in my life is in flux at the moment.  I know that I am going to be making changes over the next few years, positive ones that will move me forward with my life and more travel, is definately one of the changes that I want to make.