Owning Your Body Image

Body image.  The way that we see ourselves is ruled by both the distorted vision of what we think we look like in our head and also by what society has told us that we should look like.  

Ask any woman what she likes about her face or body and I guarantee that in the majority, you will be waiting longer for an answer than if you had asked what she disliked.   The thing is though; your imperfections and the differences between your face and body to the people around you are what make you special.  It just takes a long time to figure that out and some of us never do.

I have always struggled with the way I look.  I could give you a catalogue of things that I don’t like about myself: wonky eyebrows, too fat; waist too short; breasts too big etc etc.  I always presumed that because of these things that I was automatically unattractive to the opposite sex and have worked on that presumption for as long as I can remember.

Every person on the planet looks different to the rest which is a good thing and is something to be celebrated.  Each of us has our own distinctive look, just as each of us have our own personal preference for what we find attractive in others.

The underlying truth of it all is that confidence is the most attractive thing you can have.  Whether you are tall, short, fat, thin, blonde or brunette; if you have confidence, you are already there.

One thing that I have been thinking about recently though are the judgements that we place on people who have confidence, but want to change or tweak certain things. Somehow, if you say that you own the way that you look, you are beholden (by some) to maintain that and never change. But isn't that still pandering to the majority and not being true to yourself?

For example, I like my eyebrows as they are when filled in a little, but I have also been thinking about microblading. I mentioned this to someone and I received a ten minute lecture about how people who say that they are confident in themselves but then undergo a procedure are frauds. They are my eyebrows dude, chill.

Say you knew someone who had really bad acne, could you really judge them for considering laser acne scar treatments? I know someone who suffers really badly from acne scarring. She is beautiful, inside and out. She is confident and outgoing, but is also thinking of having laser treatment as she hates wearing a lot of foundation every day. She tells me it would add to her confidence. Does this change the way that I think about her? Of course not.

Confidence is an attitude. A state of mind. Something that you can work towards and choose. You are in charge of your body, your confidence and your self worth. I own the way that I look, whether I choose to tweak it, change it or stay exactly the same.

If you let others dictate when you are allowed to feel confident, you are not quite there yet. But you will be.

*Collaborative post

Managing Your Finances at Christmas

One of the things that used to be an issue for me was sticking my head in the sand when it came to finances.  Particularly at Christmas.  I used to be in debt but at Christmas, at time where I love to splurge on my loved ones, that debt went to the back of my head and I spent what I wanted..

I know that this is something that many of us do, especially in the holiday season.  When January rolls round, our head comes out of the sand and we realise yet again that we have overspent and gotten further into debt.

This happened to me.  It happens to many people.  It took me seven years to sort out my finance problems and along the way I have learned many lessons, a couple of which I will share with you.

Please note that I am not a financial expert, nor am I qualified to give financial advice.  I am writing this blog today because people do not talk about being in debt.  We gloss over the subject, we hide the problems in shame.  I was that person. In debt more than I could handle, through my own fault.

The first tip.  Do not panic.

When I (finally) took my head out of the sand I had no clue what to do, and went for the first option available which is hindsight, was the wrong thing to do. I panicked and ended up paying out far more as a result.

Once you have realised the extent of your money problems, you need to look at the different options available to you in order to resolve them.  

One of the most stupid things I did over one Christmas period was to hit the payday loans.  What I didn't think about was the huge interest rates involved and how far it can escalate.  If you get into this kind of mess what you can do is look at a payday loan consolidation company.  They look at your budget, sort out with you what you can afford and deal directly with your creditors.  Sometimes, as I found, it can all be too much so someone dealing directly with your creditors can be a huge weight off your shoulders.

Another option is a debt management plan.  

My error was that I did not research debt management plan providers and just went with the first one I found.  This ended up costing me over two thousand pounds by the end in admin charges.  

What I know now is that there are free debt management plan provides which do exactly the same job.  They work out what you can afford, negotiate with your creditors and work out a plan for you to pay off your debts, often with the interest frozen.

I would suggest contacting the Citizen's Advice Bureau who have loads of advice on the subject and the link I have put in goes directly to the free providers of debt management plans. 

If you owe more than ten thousand pounds, you could go into an IVA (Individual Voluntary Agreement).  You can get free advice on this from the Money Advice Service.  This enables you to get around 70-80% of your debts written off, and the remainder is handled by an insolvency practitioner (you will pay for this service).

I hope this helps a little for anyone reading through who has only just pulled their head out of the sand and is, as I was seven years ago, in a blind panic.  Don't panic.  Research.  Make use of the free resources available.  

You will get through this.  I did and so can you.

*Collaborative Piece

3 Things To Do Online To Relax

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am quite driven when online.  I like to kept abreast of the news, what is going on with social media; catching up with friends; writing blog posts; reading opinion pieces from writers I enjoy.

The thing is with all of that is that too much of it can mash up your head and fill it with too much information at once.  

It is important, especially for me, to remember that there are normal, fun things on the internet and relaxing things to do that have nothing to do with reading all the latest news bulletins and wanting to bang your head against a wall.

Here are the things I do online to have fun and relax:

YouTube Videos

I confess.  I am a bit of an addict to online makeup tutorials.  I don't put much of them into practice to be honest as I do not have the skills or all the fancy brushes and brands to recreate the looks; but I love watching the videos.

Also, funny animal videos.  You have to love them and find me one person who does not relax when watching a cute dog doing something funny in a video.

Listening to Music

While I am a complete 90s dance woman, when I want to relax, my go to music is piano based classical music; preferably from new artists that I have not heard before.  They can take my mood from stressed and overcome, to a mood of absolute calm and tranquility.

I highly recommend checking out Soundcloud for finding new artists.  For a personal recommendation, I particularly love IIya Beshevli who is a 23 year old pianist and composer from Siberia.  His piece Fairytale Castle is just magical.  

Games

I cannot play games on my phone.  After getting to a great level on Candy Crush and subsequently going back to level one again when I changed my phone, I am done with the game.  Done.  It literally crushed me.  I also don't understand the thrill of finding mythical creatures when I walking to various destinations.  I want to reach my destination, not be surrounded by Pidgeys and Ratatas.

For me, I love retro games and low level betting on formula one races and the outcomes of various events like the US presidential election.  I enjoy sites like Boomtown for online gaming and old classic games like Crypt Raider.

It may also help that a lot of those kind of games also have cheat sites which tell you what to do if you get really stuck.  I am looking for relaxation after all!  Shush!  Don't tell anybody!

What are your online relaxation go tos?

*Collaborative piece