Removing The Labels That Bind You

I took a long time to find my voice.  To become the having a thousand thoughts and opinions a day kind of person.  

Joining Twitter and starting to write my old blog were both an avenue and arena that I had never experienced before and were in part the catalyst for releasing my voice.  As a result, many thoughts and opinions began to form.  It took a bloody long while to get there, but one thing to know about me is that I can and never will be pushed.  I come to things in my own time.

When I finally found my voice, "the left" seemed to be a natural home for me.  I happily joined the camp of lefties and refused to listen to anyone with the slightest inclination of right leaning thought.  Feminism was another world where I felt at home.  Pro women, pro choice, an easy decision.

But what comes with finding your voice and having a thirst to learn more, is that you begin to question the worlds that you have chosen.  The boxes you have placed yourself in and the boxes that people have put you in.

If you had spoken to me in September last year, I would have described myself as a uber leftie.  An intersectional feminist.  Accepting of all.  The kool aid had been drunk and I was on the party message.

But then.   I began to question the rhetoric.  Ask questions.  Object.  Seeds of doubt about what I thought I believed were planted.



I wonder if Rachel McKinnon realises the amount of people that turned away from intersectionality as a result of them (yes I am being careful) winning that bike race.  The photograph of them standing on the top of the podium.  Clearly male bodied.  Clearly advantaged over the two women who came second and third.  That was the start.



From there, I was like Alice falling round the rabbit hole.  My fall was akin to falling off a cliff and while I grabbed at points of information along the way, by the time I found my feet again, I was a different person; again.



I became irritated by the left who seemed to be becoming more self righteous and controlling by the day.  As I have said in a previous blog post, the presumption of the public and the persona surrounding them has always been that the left are always on the moral side, the side of the people, the right side of history.  The right was always wrong.  So why did I become to feel so stifled?  So controlled?  Wasn't it the right that wanted to control us?



Feminism also began to irritate me.  Specifically the holier than thou way that some went about it.  I cared about women's safety, women's rights, not what a fucking sandwich was called or whether a man opened a door for me was a sign of the patriarchy.



I reached a point where I was no longer a leftie, I was a centrist.  I wasn't sure whether I was still a feminist.  I was gender critical.  That I was certain of.



So from last October when I first started to question everything to know, I was in a state of flux.  I became politically homeless as more and more parties swallowed and spouted out the line that trans women were women.  They are not.  They will never be.



I joined the club of being blocked by Owen Jones (we need a badge of pride I think at this point).



Whilst listening to and learning from many gender critical women, I was also told however that certain people within the movement were not to be listened to.  That they were extremists that would ally themselves to anyone.  But I wanted to listen and make up my own mind.



I was tired of the labels I had both chosen and had been given.  My voice was not being censored, but I was conscious that some of the things I thought were again, would not be acceptable.



I wanted so much to go to the Woman's Place meeting in London.  To see Sharron Davies who I think is fantastic and unafraid in what she says and thinks.  Unfortunately timing issues were not on my side.



But then I saw Make More Noise were holding an event in Manchester.  Talking about the elephant in the room of feminism.  What we did not talk about/enough.  Posie Parker was one of the speakers.  One of the people I had been told not to listen to.  But I wanted to make up my own damn mind.



I really enjoyed her speech.  I also loved the talk by Sarah Phillimore which I understood more from my line of work.



But I was scared to admit that I had attended a talk with Posie involved.  Then I got angry.  I am tired of limiting myself and my experiences.  Who I listen to.  What information I should take from people.



So today, I am removing my labels.  I am politically homeless. Not left, not right, not centrist.  I will viewpoints from all and discard what I don't agree with.  But only after I have listened.  Supporting women, their sex based rights and the rights to their own bodies will always be the line I will stand on.  But I'm taking off the word feminist too.



I am label free other than my biologically fact based description of being an adult human female.



I think I will end my (very long, sorry) blog post with a few things that I believe and all, are a hill I would stand up for and die on.

• Every person is entitled to the same human rights.  No person or group need or deserve more than that.  We don't (yet) live in the equivalent  of Animal Farm.


• Lesbians do not have penises.  


• Biological men do not belong in women's spaces.


• No one under the age of at least 18 should be on hormone altering medication or undergo gender altering surgery.  It is child abuse.


• The state should not be telling parents what sex their child is.


• If you think that you are circumgender trans, you need psychological help, not affirmation.


• If you believe that putting on a dress, having a beard and calling yourself a lesbian is right, again, you need psychological help, not affirmation.


• If you believe that a woman saying no is not allowed because it may hurt your chosen identity feelings, you can frankly, fuck off.

Think I had better stop here.  For now.  More posts to follow.  Thank you, if you got this far, for reading.

How Social Media Killed Innocence

I have heard it said, and in most parts it is true, that adults forget what it is like to be young.  That society moves on, technology evolves and teenagers grow more worldly by the hour. It isn't the same as in "your generation".



But while the generations before us have worried about bullying, underage sex, teenage pregnancies, getting drunk in the park and "falling in with the wrong crowd", the obstacles that teenagers face today can be far more dangerous.



I would not want to be a teenager today, particularly a teenage girl, if you paid me.

Image from Pexels

Let's focus for the subject matter of this conversation on 15/16 year old girls.

When I was this age, I was the chubby girl in high school, known for having large breasts.  That was my label.  Cones, the boys called me.  My best friend was naturally very slender and she had her own nickname, which isn't mine to share.

There was bullying, as goes on in every school in one form or another.  In my case, there was also sexual harassment, passed off by teachers as "boys will be boys, they have hormones" and "buy a bigger shirt Kitty".  But that is another story.  

Bullying when I was 15 was limited to school grounds and waiting outside at the bus stop.  It was not being invited to parties and being excluded from conversations.    You were made to be an outsider.  But, the bullying stopped when you entered your home. When you were not in the presence of your bullies, you had some respite.



Mobile phones for the mass market did not come along until around 5/6 years after I left school (this makes me sound 190 years old I realise).   Social media only really started to become popular when Facebook appeared and started to gain significant followers.



I for one am wholly grateful that my teenage years was pre social media.  Because I do not think I would have survived it.  I truly don't.  Because if you are bullied or fall out of favour, it never stops and there is no escape.



There is a clear parallel between the rise and popularity of social media and the rise of teenage depression and suicide.



It is more than just a coincidence that rates of depression in teenagers aged 14-17 has increased by more than 60% according to an American study. 

Unsplash image

These days I am addicted to Twitter, checking the site and messages many times a day, having continued and ever increasing conversations with many people.  There are internet trolls of course and people who can target you on your views, but the block button is your friend and you can remove yourself from conversations which give you stress or cause anxiety.



I regularly have anxiety and the fact that I can sign out, have a break and come back refreshed is something that I do regularly, though not as much as I should.



You do not get to do that as a teenager.  You lead as much of your life online as you do offline.  Probably more.



Telling a teenager to remove themselves from social media when they are being bullied or excluded is ridiculous.  It would take a very, very strong person not to want to know what their fellow pupils are saying about them and talking about them behind their back.



If you removed yourself from the multiple social media sites, many of which I probably haven't even heard of would only cause more bullying.  More worrying about what people are saying about you; and planning.



That is before you even consider what porn has done to teenagers.  With porn accessible with merely a click on the internet, the expectations of boys on teenager girls (not all boys, yes I know) are horrendous.



When I was that age, your first experiences of sex was generally two people who didn't really know what they were doing, but generally having a damn good time experimenting.  The thrill of an hour kissing session.  That look the first time your boyfriend felt/saw your breasts.  The first time of sex.



Now, teenage boys have had years to watch internet porn and their expectations of porn star women are projected on to their female peers.  Hairless vaginas, porn style blow jobs, anal sex.  The presumption that this is the norm.



The expectations on teenage girls to do and perform these acts is massive and peer pressure ways heavily.



While the internet and social media has given us many things, it has also taken away more.  A respite from bullying.  Safe spaces. Normal experimentation and most importantly, innocence.

How to Surround Yourself With Positive Vibes

If you would like to make the most out of your femininity and improve your mood, your first task should be to find what works for your personality and your looks. No matter if you are curvy, funky, a hipster, or a tomboy, you can find what works for your style and your personality. Below you will find a few tips on how to surround yourself with positive vibes that your soul resonates with. 

Shopping for Unique Items
Fast fashion is for the masses. You need to work on finding things that suit you down to the ground and make you feel good about yourself. You can go on a shopping trip and go to boutiques that offer individual designer items. You might even visit charity or thrift stores where you can find your style and experiment with different materials and looks, until you develop your own personal appearance that will make you unique.

Creating Your Signature Style
Once you have found the items that you love and the ones that make you smile, you just have to find a way to combine them in a unique way. There are some amazing unusual combinations that you can try. A riding boot with jeans and a floral top might be your daytime look, while you can go all romantic and add some natural stones and crystals for the night. 

Your Signature Perfume 

Image via Flickr

If you haven’t tried perfumery yet, you might be missing out. Don’t just go for the name; find out what really makes you happy and what helps you connect with your soul. A perfume can give you confidence, help you express yourself better, and compliment your style. You might want to check out https://thehippiehouse.com.au/ for some unique creations that will connect you with the true purpose of your soul.

Your Bedroom

Positive vibes can also come from your environment. It is important that you surround yourself with things that make you feel safe and supported. Focus on your bedroom, as what you see before you go to sleep and when you wake up has a huge impact on your mood and your dreams. Look for unique items that will help you relax and put a smile on your face. A crowded and disorganised bedroom is likely to knock you out of balance.

Colours that Resonate with Your Soul 

Image via Wikimedia Commons

Colour therapy is less known than aromatherapy, but it is a great way of helping you stay balanced. Find out what the colour of your aura is, and the best way to support your mental and emotional health through all the right shades. Whatever you wear, the colour of your walls, and even your accessories will affect how you feel about yourself. Do your research and find what works best for you. 

If you would like to make the most out of your looks and how you feel about yourself, you will need to surround yourself with positive vibes. Pay attention to your interior decor, the colours and smells that surround you, and you can learn to connect with your soul.